Posts tagged lesbian

Preteen Eveleena. Verging on puberty. Awkward as hell. Glitter-loving tomboy girlchild from a broken home. Messy and running with a rough crowd. [confession time: In 4th grade, this girl named Erica peer-pressured me into stealing. I stole a Hello Kitty 4x4inch little pillow from this other girl’s house. I went home and cried my eyes out and then called the girl’s mom and confessed to everything, before walking my ass back to her house {the not-sexy-time kind of walk of shame} and returning the (completely insignificant, never-would-have-been-missed-if-I-hadn’t-tattled-on-myself) pillow.]

I climbed trees, tried to adopt every single stray animal that I came across [possums are people, too!], and split my time between playing pretend and being a huge nerd [a.k.a. teacher’s pet, a.k.a. the early signs of lesbianism…].  

 Did I mention I was awkward as hell?

Okay, so you’ve got the visual. Luckily, my parents saw that I was - real talk here - totally lacking grace and sophistication and anticipated that puberty would probably be hard on me. To help counteract the tempest of hormonal suffering I was about to undergo, they gave me the greatest book ever:  the “What’s Happening to My Body? Book For Girls.” 

You guys, this thing was THE JAM. They’ve updated it over the years, but I still have my original copy. It covered everything, from periods to having feelings for other girls [so progressive!]. I wore that shit out!

You see, while my parents were incredible people, and were always there for me [even though they were people, too, and going through their own tumults], reading about all the awful things that were about to happen to me was VASTLY preferred over asking my dad. 

So by the time I actually did get my period, I didn’t think I was dying [just that there were dead babies coming out of me every month]. Every time I woke up with something new [what the fuck is this?!], I’d just flip through my book/bible {ah, let’s see. Chapter 6, article 7b. Oooooh. Hm. Well, then. So THAT’S what that is.} When I went from a size 0 to a size 7 in a matter of months [hello, birthing hips!], I understood it was the circle of life. When I finally got boobs…oh. wait. Still waiting on that one. [hrmph!] When random hair started growing in places that I was NOT happy about, I knew what to do. 

And when I started being curious about S-E-X, I learned [way more than I wanted to]. Even back then, the line drawings of male bodies kinda, sorta grossed me out. ESPECIALLY when they were drawn having sex, with all their anatomically-correct parts being all erect. [ew!] 

I read ALL ABOUT what sex entailed with boys. And I thanked my lucky stars I was only twelve and wouldn’t have to start doing that for a long, long time. Little did I know it would be NEVER. [muahahah! win!] I seriously even considered pulling the whole, “I’m waiting till marriage!” bullshit, just so I wouldn’t have to. 

::cough:: GAY ::cough::

Looking back, there were SO many signs of my impending lesbianism. And thankfully, that book gave me options [I LOVE options!] and covered homosexuality {as a completely viable route as far as sexual orientation went}.  

It was appreciated, especially down the line when my lady-parts were stirred by another lady. Not saying I rushed to dig out that old book at 18 years old when I first met Brittany, but not saying I didn’t, either.  

[side-note: I was thinking about one day writing a book to help girls when they realize they’re gay, or might be, or what are these feelings?! omg!, and to give them guidance and my advice for coming out. Your thoughts?]

Anyway, so that book got me through [most of] the awkward years [you’d think at 26 I’d be past that shit by now!] and help me blossom into the confident, body-aware, sexuality-aware, lesbian ugly-duckling-turned-vixen/still a huge nerd that you see before you today.

Speaking of! 

Vixenhood has been gloriousness lately.

[Man, that mirror is dirty!  I bet Consuela would tear that shit up with some Lemon Pledge.] 

Revolution has been wild, as usual. It was Tia Kadena’s birthday bash at Rev a couple weeks ago, and, as expected, it was filled with some serious wantonness with a pinch of utter indecency, a dash of depravity and a generous helping of lesbian merrymaking! 

I approve this message. 

And Frankie [a.k.a. Ana Mosity] and I keep showing up wearing the same thing. After years of working together, I guess it happens, but com’on now. 

In other news, I had my debut show as an official cast member of Big Bang Boom! Cabaret. That’s right, it’s Facebook official, which clearly means it’s legit. 

We had our “Iconic Women in History” show, and I called Joan of Arc [one history’s most famous “rumored” lesbonitas. Naturally]. 

I was super stoked to make my costume, and my boys were equally excited. 

But really, why do they not understand that my costume stuff, which looks EXACTLY like all their toys, are not toys?! Try sewing yards of fringe when your cats sneak attack you at your sewing machine and haul ass around the house, fringe flying from their furry little faces. It’s hard as fuck.

But I ended up finishing my costume:

And I found THE PERFECT SONG. I’d been looking forward to this show for a month now, and it was totally epic! 

All the girls KILLED IT. I was as excited to watch the other girls perform as I was to get on stage myself. And they did not disappoint. I wanted to make it rain for each and every one of them. Titillating! 

Spot the lesbian! 

Speaking of lesbian, funny story. So I’m the princess at Medieval Times, if you didn’t know that already. Hi. 

And we get lots of people coming to see the show from all around the world. Right now, we’re getting lots of groups on senior class trips. They’re always from like, Podunk, Iowa or from All White People, Indiana with only 20 kids total in their entire graduating class.

Anyway! A few days ago we had one such group come to the show. And there was a girl who was CLEARLY a lesbian. I thought to myself, “If I was from Podunk, Iowa, and I end up going to the big city of Orlando, and to Medieval Times, and the PRINCESS is a lesbian, it would make my life.” So I employed some tactics to convey to this lonely little lesbian that I, too, am a gay’mo. Extended eye contact when they came up to take pictures. A wink. Arm around her. Side smile. Etc. After the show, her group came up to get autographs, and I heard the little lesbian whispering to her friends, “No, I swear she is! I really think she is!” 

A random hot Russian chick [not from the high school] came up to take a picture with me, and after the picture, I made the sign of the cross, and little lesbian goes, “SEE!? SEE?!” 

And then, of course, she comes up to get an autograph and all her friends are watching, with baited breath. I totally start chatting her up, and she was all doe-eyed and gazing adoringly at me.

It was awesome.  hahahah

When I haven’t been on stages or in castles, breaking little lesbian hearts, I’ve been having sweet, sweet cuddle sessions with the only boys I’ll ever spoon: 

And visiting ancient tress and pretending I’m from Fern Gully: 

Oh, and I’ve been falling in love.  Unlooked for, unpredicted, and unexpected [but isn’t that the best?].  I was not anticipating meeting someone after my last relationship ended. I thought I was just going to spend my time working, hanging out with friends and cats, and maybe going on some dates here and there. Oh, and lots and lots of masturbation. 

But then I had coffee with a girl who is friends with some of my friends, and afterward I thought to myself, “Oh, shit. This could be trouble.”

You know, that really good kind of trouble where your hormones go crazy, your dopamine levels freak the fuck out, and you want to go buy all new underwear. 

Ahem.

I thought to myself, “Be careful, little lady…remember what happened last time??”

But then I thought, “But life is too short! Why not?! Why shouldn’t I take a risk again?”

But then I thought, “But what if things go to shit??”

And then I thought, “So what if things go to shit? That’s life! And maybe I’ll get some good sex out of it!”

And then I thought, “Hm. Good point.”

And then I thought, “I know, right? See where I’m coming from?”

And I thought, “Yeah, yeah. You’re making a good case for yourself. Life IS too short. Gotta take those reins and ride it.”

“Exactly!”

“And she treats you really well…and every time you hang out with her, things just get more and more awesome…”

“I know! That’s what I’m saying!”

“So…are we gonna go for it?”

“Let’s do this.”

“Hey, are we schizophrenic?” 

“It’s looking like maybe, yeah.”

But anyway! For better or for worse, what ended up happening was that I decided to go for it. 

So…wanna meet her??

Her name is Kiley.    

She’s a forensic underwriter data analyst. [smarty pants!]

And an artist. 

She’s wicked funny, has her shit together, and is totally adorable.

She’s a HUGE lesbian. [yeahhhhh, kind of a requirement for me now…] 

And clearly foxy as fuck.

And she has a cat, Lucifur!

She treats me extraordinarily well.

And makes me feel more like myself than anyone else has in a long, long time. 

You guys, I REALLY like her. 

 I’ll leave the U-haul and turkey baster for all you other crazy lezzies out there, because while I’m a romantic, I’m also a realist. But wherever this goes or does not go, I sure am enjoying every moment. Life is too short to waste time on “what if’s”. 

So, my loves…

I know I am!

Till next time! 

xx

2013- the year of rough beginnings but blissful endings. 

You guys, I’m not gonna lie - I was getting a little worried for a second there. I had such high hopes and lofty fantasies about what 2013 would be like, how I’d kick so much ass on my goals, and how I’d be off on unicorn adventures on a daily basis. But the first two months of 2013 were total dream crushers. 

I was legit getting concerned. I was not a happy girl, and that is SO not my jam. My natural state is a rainbow-riding, glitter princess of happiness and magic. I’m a romanticizing romantic. I’m a beam of ridiculous joy, thrilled with even the most mundane things in life. I’m like the Bob Ross of the lesbian world. 

Luckily, 2013 has decided to redeem itself, and I totally approve that message. 

It’s actually been pretty exciting - at the beginning of the year, I wrote down goals for myself, professionally and personally. {What a novel concept! Pretty sure I’m the only person EVER who resolved to do things differently for the new year. haha } And I was at a dead stop on all of them. It was like my entire life had been put on hold, and I was in this unhappy gridlock of stagnation.

But then 2013 was like, “JUST KIDDING! Ha. Ha. Got ya! I’m actually going to be awesome.”

And BAM! The Awesome Bomb detonated. 

First, I’ve been on a booking spree for my burlesque and go-go shows. I’m booked now through July, and I couldn’t be happier about where things are going with that. To be honest, that 19-year-old little lesbian hitting the stage for the first time EVER, dancing like a baby horse, all legs and arms, is still somewhere inside me and is still SHOCKED on a daily basis that I somehow ended up lucky enough to be able to do this for a living. I wake up [at noon haha] every day and just lay there, paralyzed with how amazing my life turned out. I get to hang out with drag queens and kings [true royalty], dance my little white girl whooty off, and perform all across the country. 

I’ve been to all my usual haunts, like my home bar and the gay club version of my soulmate, Revolution Nightclub in Orlando:

Where we CLEARLY have the most fun this side of the Mississippi. ;)

And I’ve hit up InCahoots in Jacksonville:

with some FABULOUS queens, like Mercedes Devereaux! 

And the longest-leading lady of Jax, Nichole Woods!

But I’ve also been performing with the GAWJEOUS gals of Big Bang Boom! Cabaret! [total swoon!]

And doing some nerdlesque with the All-Star Burlesque Revue:

[so much weave! >__<]

[homo-flexible]

Oh, and being SUPER artsy and shaking my tailfeathers [literally] at the Orlando Museum of Art:

Shocking old ladies & giving some old gents the time of their lives! (one lady exclaimed, “Oh, dear!” and left the show, while I was able to pull two old guys out of the audience, put my top hat and feather boa on them, and make them dance with me. Red garters on a dancing girl - now that’s what I call art!)

It’s been a fabulous show season, so far! And I have SO MUCH to look forward to. Like PENSACOLA PRIDE!

GIRLS IN WONDERLAND!

and BOSTON PRIDE!

And what’s even more amazing than getting to work for incredible events and kick ass parties is that I work with some wonderful people.

For example, after our burlyQ show at NV last Thursday, Franki and I went to Pom Pom’s Teahouse with some friends for some noms, love, and catch-up-kisses! [it was absolutely dreamy!]

And cupcakes happened, of course!

[Sad story about this cupcake: moments after this photo was taken, that cupcake fell on the floor. I spent the rest of the night crying.]

Speaking of wonderful people, I’ve been surrounded by a [totally adorable] gang of beautiful friends and family who really love me, and I can’t thank them enough for all the light they bring to my life. 

From sex bomb besties and boob attacks…

to sushi dinners with outstanding couples…

to pool [shark] dates with my forever darlin’…

to slumber parties with platonic life partners…

to hunting for treasures in antique wildernesses with an incomparable inamorata…

to my brother’s birthday lunch with my adorable and wonderful mama, my dashing stepdaddio, and my big bro and his bestie…

to being part of such an awesome group of friends that we are just exhausted by all our amazingness…

I am truly blessed. I work my ass off, love my heart out, and cuddle the shit out of my cats. It’s a damn good life, and I’m not wasting another moment. 

Here’s hoping 2013 is treating YOU right! 

So much love, babydolls…

xxxx

holy whoa.

So the past week and a half has been intense, to say the least. From shows to sushi to sweating to superheroes to sweet baby Jesus in a jam jar, things have just been a big ol’ ball of wow.

Let’s chat.

My personal life has been bananas lately, but my life on the road even more so. I took a little trip to Jacksonville at the beginning of the month to do a show with the incomparable Mary Contrary and the gender-bender Spikey van Dykey. I drove up early to spend time with a few friends (who make Jacksonville extra exciting & awesome), grab some sushi, and hit up a Starbucks [naturally].

nom.

After hang time, I put my face on and headed to the Metro to meet up with the crew. We pranced, we danced, and we played with all the cool kids in Jax. I was surprised by a few faces [that seems to keep happening lately…], and I stared at Mary’s boobs.

Good times. ;)

I got on the road home, and I’m driving my tired little booty down I-95 when I get a 911-emergency text from Vita. Vita DeVoid, Franki Markstone, and Kissa von Addams, all fabulous showgirls, had be been booked {literally} across the street from where I was performing that night. {I tried to sneak across to see the girls do their bump ‘n grind, but I couldn’t get away! Sad trombones}. Even more sad trombones, the girls blew out their tire on their way home (!).

So they called the lesbian. haha I turned my lil’ Honda right around and went off to save some showgirls!

I gave them my spare, and then stole Franki [because she’s mah gurl!], and headed back home to Orlando, finally. 6 a.m. and we made it home! Vita & Kissa took it nice and slow on the road with my lil’ spare, but everyone made it home, safe & sound. yay.

After the Jacksonville insanity, I got to join forces with Spikey AND Franki again to get naughty with the girlies at Rev.

YES, PLEASE!

I love Revolution SO MUCH. A sea of lesbians. What more could a girl ask for, really? ;)

After the weekend was done & dusted, I woke up Monday morning to a text from Charlotte over at Macbeth Photography that said something along the lines of: “How fast can you be a superhero? We need you!”

They were testing out a new concept, and I’m the only person they know who can hop in a phone booth and show up ready to go in just a few minutes. Secret identities and latex. My life.

I love being a test subject/friends with such talented people. We get to play around and silliness ensues. Like my face. ^

After morphing back into just regular ole’ Eveleena, I got ready for what promised to be an incredible night: The xx were in town! I bought tickets THE DAY they went on sale, and I’d been waiting for this show for MONTHS!

The show was amazing, I was with amazing people, and it was an amazing night.

It was also bittersweet. In a really awful way. [But I already wrote about that in my diary, and you guys don’t need to be reading sad stories…]

Anyway, moving on!

I’m a lucky sonofagun and I have the most beautiful, amazing friends in the world. I got to spend some tea time with two of them, Mollie & the Ninja…

[gorgeous girls!!!]

and help Mollie paint her new place, 80s montage style.

These girls are real superheros. I don’t know what I’d do without them. Especially because they make me take the time to stop, rest, be with people who love me, and chill for once. Le sigh!

But that never lasts for too long! This girl is on the go!

Wednesday was another trip to the Mystery Sketch Theater, where I got to pose for some stupid-amazing, ridiculously talented artists!

Who end up doing amazing things with pencil, paper, digital tools, and I’m pretty sure magic.

Thursday I spent the entire day finishing my costumes for our big Les Vixens burlesque debut at NV!

Hello, ass shot! hah

The show was FABULOUS and I can’t wait till next month! Franki & Veronica KILLED IT, and our absolutely lovely stage kitten, Krystina, was all kinds of eye candy as she helped us be our very best, bumpin’ & grindin’. I think it’s just going to get bigger and better and fabulous-er every month. I hope you can check it out sometime!

Last night it was back to Jacksonville, my home away from home, with Franki & Evie for a show at the Norm.

We ended up putting on our show and then hanging out late with all the little kitties. I swear, Jacksonville has a secret lesbian scene full of hot ass girls who are awesome. I’ve decided I want to be besties with all of them. ::writes in planner- “Make friends with [more] hot ass lesbians”::

I love having goals.

So something crazy happened on Tuesday. You guys ready for storytime? Get comfy.

Growing up, I had a best friend named Jill. I’m talking, EPIC best friend. We met before we hit puberty, and spent the next ten years going through EVERYTHING together. The awkward years [I’m still in mine]. Middle school. High school. Family shiz. The Spice Girls. We understood each other in ways that were inexplicable. This girl taught me how to walk in high heels, that eyeliner can be your best friend or worst enemy, and how to embrace femininity. I taught her to not take things so seriously, that there’s more to life than boys & church, and that jogging in heels is probably not a good idea.

I’d show up at her house, covered in dirt from playing outside, and she’d reapply lipgloss and make me take off my shoes. Our conversations were made up entirely of inside jokes, and I have never laughed the same way with anyone else. I always thought she was gorgeous, but she never saw that her curves were a good thing. My family was really dysfunctional [but amazing], and her family was super nuclear [but über strict & conservative]. So she had some serious Christian indoctrination going on, and I was a serious free spirit. We were the original odd couple. Tomboy awkward girl and misguided Marilyn Monroe.

We were inseparable. This girl changed my life, and that’s not hyperbole.

And then I met my first girlfriend, Brittany. Jill was the first person I told. I ran up to her the day after I met Brittany, and said, “I met a girl! I think I’m bisexual! We’re going on a date! Omgahhhh WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!”

And at first, Jill was super supportive [hooray!]. But then something happened. I don’t know what, exactly, but I’m pretty sure it had to do with the fact that she was raised in a strict Christian home where the idea of homosexuality was cut & dry: it’s WRONG and homosexual love is Satan’s pornography. Or whatever they teach in Sunday school these days…

Jill was moving away to attend a Christian school in Tennessee (doesn’t sound promising, does it?), and about a week after she moved I got a message from her on Myspace [oh, lawd, good old Myspace!] where she told me she doesn’t agree with my “lifestyle” and she’s going to “pray” for me and Brittany. Oh, and to consider this the end of our friendship.

You guys, she totally drank the Kool-Aid.

I died. She was the only person who I lost when I came out of the closet. And it killed me so much more because I KNEW with every fiber in my body that Jill was NOT homophobic. I KNEW she would and could love me no matter what. I knew that her soul and her essence and who she is was NOTHING like that message I got on Myspace.

We ran into each other a few times after that, but I was still dating girls and she was still conflicted as fuck.

Flash-forward, six years later, to this past Tuesday. I’m sitting at Starbucks with Mollie and I get a text. It’s from Jill. My heart stops. And it says,

“Eveleena Danielle!!! I fucking miss you and want to see you perform. I fucking love you so much and am so sorry for being a judgmental prick. I have learned so much about how wrong I was. Love is love and I’m sorry. I’m with a bunch of gays who LOVE you. And I was like omg she and I used to dance to ABBA in 5th grade!!!! I love you and we’re coming to see you at Rev.”

I dropped my phone. We started texting because god dammit, I will always love this girl, and apparently she reads my blog, hangs out with gay peeps who know me, and has thought about me just as much as I have thought about her.

GLORY HALLELUJAH! Baby Jesus be praised, she has seen the light!

So she’s coming to Rev. TONIGHT. And I haven’t seen her in SIX YEARS. And now she’s going to watch me whip my hair and holy shit, you guys.

So I’m off to get ready for a killer night at Rev, a reunion of epic proportions, and maybe to make some new hot ass lezzie friends. Wish me luck!

xx

How are your resolutions going? I hope you’re kicking ass & taking names. ;)

2013 so far has been a roller coaster of epic proportions.

The start of a new year holds so much promise…but it’s also the perfect time to reevaluate things in your life. What are you happy with? What do you not like? What can you change? How are you going to go about changing things?

For me, the year started off with some huge moments of indecision and holy shit’s and what to do now’s and whoa’s and for real?!s and all kinds of other fluff.

I took a few days off[ish] to recenter myself and to connect with my totem animal [obviously, a unicorn] and I’m feeling recharged and sparkly once again! [And also, my friends came to the rescue big time, like the super heroes they are!]

Shake-ups in life can end up leading to eating your weight in ice cream and never leaving your bed OR it can lead to amazing restructuring and massive tweaks to life that make it twelve thousand times more beautiful. [the key is to CHOOSE the latter.]

So that’s what I’m doing! And it’s working out splendidly. :) Plus, I got my planner refills…phew!

Ahhh, all is right in the world again!

Now, want a peek into what fills up that agenda?

Well, let’s see…there’s been hot yoga with Mollie:

Taking long walks [glorious weather!], drinking tea & writing at Starbucks, and listening to audio books. ::cough:: NERD ::cough::

Princessing: [and if you’ll notice in the above photo, that damn pinky-up! The princess never leaves me!]

Go-go dancing with crazy lion hair [rawr] {& playing laser tag - pew!pew!}:

{Thanks, Maia, for capturing me & my shenanigans!! [and also, for letting me do laundry at your house. Not having a washer & dryer sucks, especially when you have two separate wardrobes for yourself & your alter ego. ;)}

But I have wonderful friends who save me from laundromats!]

[Isn’t she adorable?! {& single, ladies!}]

So in addition to laundry, I’ve been traveling and doing TONS of shows.

Like in Jacksonville at InCahoots, where I got made fun of by drag queens for my awesome lesbian shirt [cats + boobs!]:

And performed for the masses of ‘mos & ‘bos:

Saturday I had a teaser show at NV for our upcoming February 7th Les Vixens debut:

It was a blast!

After the teaser show, I ran to Revolution for another show!!

And to go-go all night long. Saturday nights are the jam! [and it’s where all the girls go. ;)]

Sunday, all my agenda said was:

UNIVERSAL STUDIOS & ISLANDS OF ADVENTURE
WITH JORDAN, KACEE, & THE BUNNY!!!

Which was exactly what happened and it was magical. :) {Plus I got Dip ‘n Dots! NOM!} [Thanks again, Shay, for the tickets!]

So from shake-ups to showtimes, 2013 has been a [sometimes literal] roller coaster. Good thing I really love roller coasters! ;)

Hope your 2013 has been smooth sailing, sweethearts!

::crosses Write Blog Post off my To-Do list in my planner::

::feels productive::

::goes back to watching a Dexter marathon & eating dark chocolate::

xx

So I am in that. ^

EEEEEE!!! 

It’s pretty exciting! It’s a book documenting, well, 100 of us queers who love the stage.

And what’s even more awesome is that I have a chance to be ON THE COVER! But I need your help [if you’re so inclined]. Simply CLICK THIS LINK and “Like” my picture. Badda bing, badda boom! That’s all you need to do. The entertainer with the most “likes” gets to have their picture as the cover. [Hey, Mom…now that we’re Facebook friends, you have to go “Like” it, too! K thanks. ;) ]

You guys, you guys, you guys!!!! I’m SO excited!

Okay, check it. So one of my goals for 2013 was to book more shows and more venues, especially to be able to do more classic, high-glamour burlesque shows. At Rev, we have to keep it modern and neo-burlesque, high-energy and the right fit for a club atmosphere. You can’t throw down some slow, sexy, silky bump ‘n grind at midnight in the middle of a packed house at a club. It just doesn’t work and it messes with the vibe of the night. So we have to tailor our numbers to fit that kind of energy.

But I have been wanting to bust out my high glam numbers, the ones during which I wear floor-length sequined gowns and have feathers in my hair and everything sparkles. I want to shimmy and shake and drip slow like honey. I want to be able to do the kind of numbers that tease like crazy and bring on the dazzle.

The key was finding the right venue, one where just a simple show, without go-go dancing, would be on the menu. And I’ve had my eye on a particular venue downtown for a while now.

Allow me to introduce you to NV Art Bar.

This skinny little venue features three floors of old-school lounge style, exposed brick, totally gorgeous intimate space. The third floor [not picture] and roof area are a [newly opened] speakeasy, while the bottom two floors are an art gallery/lounge/bar. LE SIGH!

And you guys! [yep, you probably already guessed it but…] It is officially confirmed: NV ART BAR is now home to Les Vixens Burlesque the first Thursday of EVERY MONTH!

::commence intense happy dancing that may or may not involve running around my house, naked as a jay bird, freaking out my cats::

Our opening night will be February 7th. Three burlesqueteers performing each night. We will do two shows, one at 10 p.m. and the second at 11 p.m. The first show at 10 will be in the speakeasy on the third floor, and will feature our more classic, ritzy-glitzy bump ‘n grind numbers. The 11 p.m. show will be on the first and second floors, up and down that gorgeous staircase, and we’ll kick it a bit more edgy in that set. [Still glam, but rockin’ that newfangled music the kids are listening to these days.]

Okay, now that we’ve all died from the excitement and then were reincarnated as ourselves (but slightly better!), let’s just say I’m very, very excited. 2013 - you may not have started off in the best way for a lot of people (me included), but you’re starting to redeem yourself here. :)

So if you’re in the area on the first Thursday of every month, swing by and grab a drink, watch the show, and remember that I ran around my house naked because of this moment you are now experiencing. ;)

xx

p.s. I’m going to be having another round of auditions coming up in February. I’m also looking to hire a stage kitten. A stage kitten is a gal who might not be ready to do a full-on show yet, but who loves the atmosphere, the style of burlesque, and wants to learn the ropes. She’d help us backstage, and also help collect our drag droppings ;) after our performances. My bestie Mollie suggested that I just simply train an actual kitten to do the job, but A.) kittens + feather boas = attack mode. and B.) the kitten would end up stealing the show, obviously. Or would distract ME too much to even do a show.

[OMGGGG IT’S WITTLE BABY FENTON!]

See? This post script should have ended by now, but nope, I’m still talking about cats.

So yeah! I need a human stage kitten. Just an FYI, if you’re interested. ;)

Bye!

After Mollie & Ryan’s wedding, shows, and my family reunion, the Bunny and I were ready for our holiday getaway!

Just the two of us, the open road, and planned spontaneity! <the only way to do it.

SO EXCITED!!!!

We drove to our first stop: Savannah, Georgia.

We were supposed to land in Savannah with enough time to grab sushi with Mary Contrary, one of my fellow entertainers [and a total doll], but because we never get anywhere on time, we ended up arriving in Savannah long past the point where our rendezvous of sushi noms was possible. The sushi joint was closed, and after I stopped crying, the Bunny & I decided we’d have dinner with Mary the following night.

So we went to our fancy schmancy hotel (ooh, lala!) and ended up grabbing some pizza [something I NEVER do..but dammit, I’m on vacation!] at Vinnie Go Go’s, a well-known, semi-hipster pizza place open late enough for night owls. We brought pizza back to our hotel room and gorged ourselves like a sorority girl eating her feelings after a breakup. Nom!

[of course, I also got a salad…even though I’m dating the Bunny, I’m the one who eats like a rabbit. ;)]

We passed out in our king-size bed, which meant the Bunny finally had enough space to sleep. ;)

The next day we had our big day of exploration! Savannah, as it appears, is romantic and beautiful…as long as you stay in the historic downtown district. The rest of Savannah looks like just normal suburban and ghetto life. So, naturally, the Bunny & I stayed in the glorious, notorious historic district. We started by the river, strolling down the famous River Walk and stopping to get lunch on the water.

[I like to gaze adoringly at the Bunny. Or at the sweet potato fries coming our way. Probably both.]

It was quaint and adorable, just like the rest of downtown Savannah, and the food was delicious. 

Cobblestones! I love it!

Super old forts with super hero bunnies going up super steep stairs!

Hey, trees that actually change color when the seasons change! Imagine that.

We wandered up and down all the streets, hitting square after square [Savannah is built around 24 squares, which are like mini-parks. I love trees, so naturally every time we walked a few blocks and found ourselves at another square, I felt the need to tell the Bunny how much I liked this square! Or that square! Or look how cute is this square! Oh, look at this square! (I think it got old fast…haha)]

We stopped at a tea room [actually, it’s called The Tea Room hah] and the old broad who worked there knew more about tea than I know about glitter. [And she was a sassy old lady, so now I know who I want to be when I grow up.] The whole place was adorable, and smelled amazing, with wall-to-wall tea canisters. Heaven!

[the Bunny, posing awkwardly because I made her.]

And naturally, the tea was bangin’!

We continued our voyage, tea in hand, and fell more and more in love with the gorgeous historic homes, beautiful holiday decorations, and me with the squares. ;)

After dark, we made our way to meet Mary for our long-delayed sushi date! We went to her favorite place, Wassabi, and it was worth the wait. ;) Plus, the company was absolutely lovely! It’s so nice to hang out with entertainers who I actually like outside of work. And Mary definitely fits that bill!

After dinner, it was time for something I’ve wanted to do for a long time: a ghost tour!

Savannah is listed as the most haunted city in America. We booked our tour with Sixth Sense Savannah [which is REALLY hard to say when you have a lisp…which is why the Bunny made me say the name like, 10 times. Jerk. ;)]. But although it’s a problem for those with a speech impediment, the tour itself was AWESOME. Christopher, our guide, was an adorable [& gay!] guy who really knew his shit, and skeptics & believers both really got into it.

It was a two hour walking tour, and we ended up pretty much taking the same route the Bunny and I took earlier around the city. Which meant we walked past houses that earlier in the day we had gazed at in wonder, and now learned the horrific stories about murders, suspicious deaths, and all the paranormal activity that happened in each house.

Including an abandoned mental institution.

The stories were so good and so creepy and mixed the paranormal seamlessly with historical information. Which, as the resident nerd of this blog, I am a sucker for. ;)

Unfortunately, we didn’t end up seeing any apparitions or ghosts. I say unfortunately for me; however, the Bunny was glad. She pretends to be a badass but turns out, she gets scared of a little ol’ abandoned insane asylum where there are consistent sightings of the White Lady in the windows and where people end up getting injured from violent spirits if they enter. Psh. Scardey-cat. ;)

The next morning we went to the Sentient Bean, a coffee shop Mary recommended.

Blurry love!

The Sentient Bean was perfect for breakfast and had damn good chai lattes!

[and chalkboard walls in the bathroom where the Bunny left a little love note. ;) swoon!]

After our breakfast and tea, we got on the road for our next chapter in our holiday adventures: Atlanta!

We arrived at our hotel [more of a motel this time around, but sometimes we like it when it’s cheap. ;) Like Motel 301!]

We got dolled up…

…and went out for a fancy dinner!

The food was SO GOOD, you guys. Like, Food Network Top Chef good.

And then, because the Bunny said it was our anniversary or something like that [it wasn’t] ;) we got a free dessert of our choice, which ended up being a chocolatey cake made in the kitchen of the gods that was pure sex for taste buds. Pure sex, I tell you!

I’m telling you, as soon as I tried the cake I said, “Oh dear baby Jesus this shit is GOOD!”

It was THAT good. Plus the service was fabulous. Tantra- now THAT’S how you do a fancy dinner. ;)

Next up was something I’ve been waiting for for YEARS: going to see Rachael Yamagata live! You don’t even understand…I’ve wanted to see her play for so so so long. She’s been one of my favorite artists for the longest time, and seeing her live was on my bucket list. The Bunny, being the amazing girl that she is, tried to send me to see her play last year in Portland, which would kill two birds with one stone as I’d also get to see my dad, too! Yay!

Unfortunately, the Bunny is foreign and didn’t realize that there is more than one Portland in the U.S., and good ol’ Rach was playing in Portland, Maine. hahah [The Bun still sent me to go see my dad, which I wrote about HERE. ]

Anyway, so this was the culmination of years of me waiting and wanting, and at least a year of the Bunny trying to get me to see her, so this was going to be EPIC.

The show was at the Vinyl in Atlanta, which is a small, intimate, and absolutely perfect venue. 

Ughhhhh she was sooooooooooo gooooooooooooooooooood. THAT VOICE! It’s just so rich and utterly soulful. And Rachael herself is hilarious. She made fun of the fact that none of her music is happy, and that it’s all about heart ache. But her tragic music is in total contrast to her stage persona, which is hysterical and self-deprecating and humble and completely charming.

And I got to meet the lovely lady! [even though the Bunny can’t take a picture to save her life. ;) It’s okay, she’s got other qualities I’m totes into…]

The show was epic, and well-worth the wait, especially because the venue was so perfect and small. Happy Evey!!

The next morning, I had no idea what the day held. It was the Super Surprise Day of the holiday, and the Bunny had kept this portion of the trip a secret (that she was obviously really excited about and very proud of herself for keeping it a secret!). I was told to dress comfy [which, of course, I freaked out about - “Are we talking, yoga comfortable? or like, lounge around the house comfy? or like, The Gap comfy? WHAT DO YOU MEAN DRESS COMFORTABLE?!”] - but I finally sorted out the right outfit, and we hit the road.

I don’t think I’ve ever loved road trips as much as I do with the Bunny. Good music, Starbucks (she knows we don’t go anywhere without me getting my tea!), and her hand in mine…it’s the perfect way to road trip! I didn’t even care that I had no idea where we were going - it’s part of being in the moment. The gorgeous scenery alone was enough to keep me entertained.

After several hours of driving, we appeared to be in the middle-of-nowhere in northern Georgia, and if the area hadn’t been so epically beautiful, I probably would have been thinking horror film thoughts. Instead, we were winding our way through little mountain towns and finally turned off and up a mountain.

We pulled up in front of the most adorable little cabin in the history of ever!!!

The Bunny had spent the past few months arranging this getaway with the owner for our little holiday. The cabin was perfect: a hot tub on the back deck, a fireplace, and every detail was cozy and adorable.

After I stopped running around the cabin, squealing like a little girl at how ::high-pitched:: CUTE!! it was, the Bunny and I drove into the quaint (naturally) little town, and ended up at the Sweet Shoppe Bakery, the Food Network Cupcake Wars Season 6 Winners!

We ended up buying TWELVE cupcakes. Because life is awesome.

Oh, no big deal. Just eating cupcakes by the fire in our cabin on a mountain side. [Like I said, life is awesome!]

Oh, decadence!

After our cupcake indulgence, we ventured outside [in the FREEZING cold] to get in the hot tub! It was glorious. :)

And as IF a cabin on a mountain side, with a fireplace, and a hot tub, and a gorgeous crystal clear northern Georgia winter night wasn’t enough, THERE WAS A GOD DAMNED METEOR SHOWER! Shooting stars all over the place! Somehow, I feel like the Bunny planned that. ;) At the very least, she had one more surprise: she brought sky lanterns. You know, the kind that you light and then let go and they float effortlessly into the sky and then, I dunno, they become stars or something [or just burn out and then hopefully biodegrade in an environmentally friendly manner].

So amidst hundreds of shooting stars, we wrote wishes on our lanterns, lit them, and let them go.

The Bunny didn’t wait long enough [you have to let the lantern fill up first], so hers landed on the roof of the cabin. Which I then pictured the entire roof bursting into flames, and our lives being ruined. But then it picked up again and floated…directly into a tree! Which I then pictured the tree bursting into flames and Smokey the Bear coming after us.

But then, thank baby bears, it floated on up to the sky, and no joke, a freaking shooting star flew straight behind it. MAGICAL!

The whole night was magical, really. Cozy cabin + cold winter night + fireplace + shooting stars = sexy time! [What else? ;) ]

The next morning we got up [late] and went on a hike to see some waterfalls. And it was incredibly gorgeous!

The Bunny fell in the water. hahahahah I actually felt really bad, but, as always, she’s a great sport about things. ;) And let me take pictures of her dumping water out of her boots.

Captain Bunny!

Limbo!

It was the perfect way to end the trip and our holiday getaway! Now we had to hit the road down south to Jacksonville because I had a show with my Vixens at the Norm. [no rest for the wicked!] 8 hours on the road and straight onto the stage!

After the show, the Bunny & I stayed the night with our dear friends, Jordan & Kacee. Jordan even got up at the ass-crack of dawn to cook us breakfast [d’awww!] because I had to be back in Orlando by 11 a.m. on Saturday for a music video shoot! [Like I said, no rest for the wicked!]

It was an awesome time! But it was an awesomely loooong time. We were there all day, and then I had to get my [slightly, you know, just a little teeny bit] exhausted bum to Revolution!

As always, it was crazy town. :) I love Rev!

The next day [sleep? huh? what’s that?] was my sister Vixen’s benefit show to help her get to Chicago, where she booked an epic burlesque tour, which was one of her biggest dreams in life! So, of course, I drove to St. Pete to be part of the incredible cast of entertainers who raised more than $500 for her! RAD!

Love her!

And I was asked by the organizer of the event, along with Franki’s husband, to say a few words about the lady of honor. Which was an honor itself. :)

And for my number, I made a song mix that started with the theme song from Jem & the Holograms [Franki has an entire tattoo sleeve on her arm of Jem & the Holograms!], and then included several inside joke songs between me and Franki, and ended with one of her classic numbers that I included as a tribute. It was really fun [and the gay boys went crazy!]

Plus, I got to hang out with Teddy D, my darling boy!

It was a fabulousocity-filled benefit, and Franki is off in Chicago, kicking ass & taking names! [but she’ll be home before I know it, thank baby Jesus!]

And my goodness, we made it to the last week the Mayans ever thought would happen! I spent our possible last week on earth princessing [+ drinking tea]…

…hanging out with the newly-married Mollie!

Taking long walks [& long talks] with the Bunny….

Cuddling kitties…

And go-go dancing!

We survived the silly Mayan misinterpretation, and made it to Christmas!

And guess what? The Bunny and I made it to my mom’s ON TIME on Christmas Day. It was a Christmas miracle!

We spent the day with my mom, my stepdad, my brother, and of course, Hey Kitty. :)

(^ that’s her special Christmas blanket. It only comes out during the holidays, and it’s where you can find the Kitty pretty much 90% of her life during Christmastime.)

The tree was BEAUTIFUL! [my mom and stepdad always make the entire house really FEEL like Christmas, even if it’s 80 degrees outside.]

And there were so many presents under the tree that I was suspicious that some were just empty boxes wrapped to make the place look extra fancy. [but nope! A gift in every box!]

Holy shit, right?!

And let’s not even forget the AMAZING Paleo feast my mom made!

It was really, really incredible. I feel beyond blessed and grateful for such an amazing family and I feel like my life is charmed in so many ways. As gay as it sounds, I feel like my life is magical. I mean, just LOOK at that food! :D

We ate, gave and received gifts, talked a lot, ate some more, and watched Ice Age! :) It was perfect.

The next day, the Bunny and I went to Blue Springs State Park to hike and spend some time with manatees.

Pine cone!

The following day, we felt really springy. So we went to Rebounderz!

It’s an indoor trampoline arena and it. was. AWESOME! I highly recommend it. Oh, go on! Be a kid again. ;) Go-go dancing at Rev that night, I felt a bit wobbly. Jumping is a killer workout!

Friday I was back on the road to Jacksonville for my show (just me and some drag queens!) at InCahoots!

I always have such a good time at InCahoots…it was wall-to-wall packed, just the way I like it, and I got to see a lot of familiar faces…and ride around on a unicorn. ;)

Saturday it was the last Les Vixen show of 2012, so I figured I’d wear some snazzy new pants. ;)

Oh, 2012! You were EPIC!

But it’s not over yet! We still have New Year’s Eve…

I rang in the New Year at a fancy red carpet event, with tickets ranging from $100-200 just to get in to the fancy schmanciness. No big deal. ;)

I was hired as a go-go dancer [for my “energy and eye candy appeal”! lol It’s always nice when I get paid AND complimented!], along with the incredible Lyn Sky, a lovely aerialist and several stilt walkers. We all got body painted…

[which I promptly sweated off…]

This is me, Astryd [of Tommy Astryd productions], and Lyn Sky!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

While balloons were falling and the ball was dropping, the Bunny drove all the way out to the event just to kiss me at midnight. SWOON!

And that, ladies & gentlemen, was the end of 2012 for me. PERFECTION!

Next up: 2013!

I hope you all had a safe & wonderful holiday, and thanks for sticking with me into the new year!

xoxoxoxoxox

And Jesus had his birthday!

And I’ve been on adventures!

And I really need to get back to writing in my blog!! Sorry for the radio silence…

But basically I’ve been wondering: Is this real life??

It hit me hard again that I have a really, really strange and wonderful life. Sometimes I am so IN IT & working so hard that I forget to stop and reflect on how ridiculously COOL life is [and I run out of time to blog! eek!]. My 40 hours a week of work is never 9-5 [thank baby unicorns!], I never see a cubicle, and at any moment I can get tea with my friends, cuddle my cats, or write in my blog [heh]. I can go wander around, help out friends, and just generally live a life worth writing about.

Let’s chat about December! Okay, too much happened for one blog post so I’m going to start with the first half of the last month of 2012, because what happened next deserves its own moment to shine here. ;)

So reverse, rewind, and meet me on the last day of November. I drove to St. Pete with my Vixen Veronica for a gig with Gulf Coast Giving and CirqueVille Entertainment. Gulf Coast Giving is an amazing charitable organization and their recipient this year was Habitat for Humanity. They threw an art auction/Winter Wonderland party at Nova 535 [an utterly GORGEOUS venue/art space], and we got hired to be living statues[slash] go-go dancers! Along with stilt walkers, acrobats, and a phenomenal juggler, this event was all kinds of awesome!

^ The statues!

In [non] action. heh

Luckily for me, standing still as a statue was WAY easier when I got to watch these guys say “Fuck you, Gravity!” and do their epic, physics-defying moves!

And watch this gorgeous Russian lady kick some serious ass juggling…she makes it look epic AND easy, all at the same time. [ignore the dude in the background…]

Oh, and this was my boss. ;) Stilt walker Snow Queen!

The whole event was a blasty-blast. It’s always fun to get booked for something out of the norm, especially an easy, awesome event that introduces me to rad people and talented artists. You know, no big deal. ;)

And that welcomed me into December! The Bunny and I decorated our little Christmas tree, hung our stockings and wreath, and I did everything in my power to make the Bunny’s first Christmas in the States seem a little more Christmas-y. I mean, it’s hard to do when you live in Florida, but I tried!

Then I packed up and headed off to Rev for the best night of the week!

Sunday the Bunny & I were celebrating my mom and stepdad’s birthdays. Super late. Their b-days were at the beginning of November, but when we tried to plan for a party day closer to their actual birthdays, my mom was like, “Shmehhh…” haha So December it was!

My mom and steppapa are on the Paleo diet [as you may know from reading this blog], and so I said we would cook them a Paleo feast!

By which I meant, the Bunny would slave away in the kitchen all day, because…

I’m terrible in the kitchen.

But she made this ridiculously delicious Asian spaghetti squash yumminess of Please-Make-For-My-Birthday good dish, and a dark chocolate & orange chocolate torte {birthday} cake.

My mom, stepdad and big brother came over to our house, and it was a jolly good time! We ate, my mom opened her present [that she pretended to be surprised about, but she totes knew what I got her already…thanks for the effort, though, mom!], and then we surprised them with their birthday cake of divinity. [it was THAT good.]

Oh, and then Banksy climbed into my mom’s purse. And started removing items to make room for himself. Like a boss.

hahahaha my cat is awkward.

That night I worked more on the dessert toppers for Mollie & Ryan’s wedding!! At this point, it was less than a week away and my excitement for the wedding of the century was off the charts! So much so, that I handmade 75 dessert toppers, each and every one different and crafted with love! I even used my sewing machine on some of them. It took (way) more time than just this one night to get them all done, but it was so worth it! DIY for the win!

At Medieval, they changed the times when we open the gates and guests are allowed to cross over the moat, so not only am I super on time now for princessing [which is UNHEARD OF in the entire realm], but I feel like I’m super early. It’s kind of creeping me out. I just end up playing around with makeup for the extra 45 minutes and then look like an 11th century drag queen.

Hey, that’s my bra!

Anywayyyy…

In addition to scaring children, I got hired to do some figure modeling [like I do for Mystery Sketch Theater & Dr. Sketchy’s] for some artists at Universal Studios! So…it was back to standing still as a statue. Oh, December. The month of no moving [and never stopping moving]. haha

I didn’t get any pictures from it because we did the session in their art studio on location at Universal, and there were proprietary drawings and sketches all over the walls. Pretty neat stuff! And the artists really liked the costumes I brought, which is a huge compliment coming from artists who work on a theme park studio set filled with costumed characters. :)

Then Friday morning I got up at the ass-crack of dawn [like, 10 o’clock you guys. It was rough.] to drive out to the venue for the wedding rehearsal! Mollie & Ryan asked me to do a reading in their ceremony, which made me feel like a million bucks. And also made me super nervous because I have a little lisp…public speaking! Woo!

But the rehearsal was lovely! Dave the King from Medieval is also an officiant and can totes marry peeps, so my wedding gift to the couple was Dave. haha [[Funny story: When Mollie & Ryan first started planning their wedding, I recommended Dave marry them.

Mollie, knowing that Dave works at Medieval Times with me, thought I was trying to convince her to do a Medieval-themed wedding.

Months later, they were still having trouble finding the right officiant, and I brought up Dave again. Only THEN did Mollie ask me if he does things non-11th century.

Oh, Mollie.

Luckily, we sorted things out and Dave ended up being the most perfect person for the job! And I loved being able to hang out with him during the rehearsal and rehearsal lunch. :) The rehearsal went off without a hitch, and I got a sneak peek at the venue…You guys, I was more excited for this wedding to happen than this guy:

Oh, and in the midst of working at Medieval, being a figure model, making DIY stuff, writing and catching up on deadlines, preparing for Mollie’s wedding, doing shows AND packing/preparing for a mini-vacation with the Bunny that was to happen at the beginning of the next week, my family decided to have a family reunion. THE SAME WEEKEND. Oh, lordy!

So I raced from the rehearsal [an hour away from home] to where my dad and stepmom were staying [45 minutes past home] to get to see them for a few minutes before I had to hop back on the road to drive to Jacksonville for a show. WHEW!

[But totally worth it!]

Then it was off to Jacksonville with Spikey van Dykey & Mary Contrary from Savannah to put on a show at the Metro!

The Metro was the very first place I EVER performed all those years ago when I first started burlesque. I used to do shows there semi-regularly after I started performing, but I haven’t been back in a few years. It was definitely a blast from the past, especially because NOTHING has changed [not even the guy who directs traffic in the parking lot].

It was good to be back. :)

And then the next day was omg omg omg omg omg THE BIG DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This small Asian child knows NOTHING of the excitement that was felt for this day and this wedding. NOTHING!

It was, in fact, the most magic-filled, wonder-filled, PERFECT MOMENT-FILLED day of LOVE AND SPARKLES AND UNICORNS EARNING THEIR WINGS in the history of EVER!!

The wedding was straight out of a fairytale movie scene, with the added benefit of being between two people utterly meant for each other, and with half the guests (and the bride!) being my best friends. ;) HOORAY!

It was literary-themed, which was spot on: Mollie is a librarian (and just got her Masters Degree in Library Sciences! Get it, girl!) and Ryan is a textbook editor. MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN.

I’m warning you now: the pictures that follow (which aren’t the profesh ones, anyway) don’t do this wedding justice in any way, shape, or form. But at least it will give you a glimpse into how wonderful the day truly was!

The venue was Birdsong Barn, and it couldn’t have been more perfect. Same with the weather, the decorations, the music, and the bride & groom, of course!

Look at Dave, looking so handsome!

Ayla. the three-year-old daughter of the best man, was the ring bearer. :)

And Ariana, Mollie’s two-year-old niece, was the flower girl. [I was the back-up flower girl. hah] She ended up just running down the aisle, and then dumping her basket of petals at the alter. Not bad, Ariana. Not bad at all. ;)

Aaaaaaaaand THIS was the moment I started bawling like a frickin’ baby.

SHE LOOKED LIKE A GODDESS OF EVERYTHING WONDERFUL!

I kept telling myself, “Pull yourself together, woman! You have to do your reading!” Luckily, during my reading I didn’t cry(ish). And then I got back to my seat, and they started doing their vows, and I started sobbing again because EVERY WORD WAS INCREDIBLE.

YAY THEY’RE HITCHED!

Now it was time for the reception!

[The Bunny & I made the M and R bookends for Mollie’s bridal shower, and they used them in the wedding decorations!!! SWOON!]

The food was THE JAM.

It was THE BEST WEDDING in the history of weddings. I got to dance and hang out with my best friends, be part of the insanely beautiful ceremony, the food was AMAZING, and absolutely every moment was magical. Oh, and I CAUGHT THE BOUQUET! [yes, I may have knocked out my friend in the process…]

CONGRATULATIONS to the couple of the century!

After the best party of my life, I hit the road back to Orlando, just in time to make it to Revolution for our Old School party!

Good times. :) ‘eyyyy

And on Sunday, my reunion with my family continued! It was on my stepmama’s side: Her four kids, plus me & my brother, and 4 out of her 7 grandkids. And my dad, of course! It was the FIRST time she’s had this many members of her immediate family together, and it was a wonderful time! [and check out my dad’s bolo tie! Classic. ;)]

After some much-needed and absolutely wonderful family time, I headed home to start packing for my vacation!

Fenton wanted to come, but the Bunny and I were going places kitties can’t go…like Georgia. ;)

But this post is long enough! This was my first half of December; stay tuned for Pt. 2!

I hope your December has been lovely!

xx

Sometimes, Jim, my dear friend, business partner, and mastermind behind Macbeth Photography, likes to have random shoots at all hours of the night…for fun. This was one of those. I was debating sitting at home in my pjs because I FINALLY had a night off, but then I got a text from Jim telling me to come on down to the studio. So I threw on a LBD, the Bunny went incognito, and off we went to go hang out with the McB crew. In between eating snacks, talking about how the world didn’t end that night (yay!), and discussing how we will take over the still-existing-world, we snapped a few shots.

\

And I got to hang with my main bitch, Nicole, the Empress of the Epidermis, Makeup Artist Extraordinaire! She’s seriously a true artist. I love her work! [Unfortunately, makeup was done by lil’ old me this time around. Ah, well…next time!]

And guess what?! Macbeth Photography does this really awesome thing called First Friday Photos. So if you’re in the Orlando area, come check them out on January 4th! They’re always playing around with new lights, concepts, and styles, and you can get some wicked new social media photos on the cheap, yo! [Like them HERE on FB so you can be in the know when Jim decides he wants to take some pictures in the middle of the night. ;)]

xx

Macbeth Photography’s wonderful intern Charlotte put together a NOH8* photo shoot for Orlando, and luckily the Bunny & I were able to swing by and show our support [and get a few great shots!]. The event raised $900!! for the Zebra Coalition, and I already have so many people asking me when Macbeth is going to do another one. [so, Charlotte, get on it! ;)]

What more could a girl ask for, really?

I know this happens to pretty much every single person when the weather turns, but dear baby Jesus! I want to cuddle, drink tea, take long walks, go camping, sit & sew, wear comfy sweaters and scarves, and OMG I can go outside without the sun trying to burn my skin off and humidity trying to make me sweat my life away.

Glorious!

But in other news, so much awesome was packed into the last few weeks of October. Take a journey with me, lovers, back in time to a not-so-distant past…

First, we kicked off the good times with a private event near the beginning of the month. A private, Star Wars themed event. Yes, it was as awesome as it sounded and I couldn’t believe how lucky I am that part of my job description includes Nerdy Burlesque shows. I don’t normally do private events, but I made the exception because A.) it involved good friends whom I trust completely, and B.) Star Wars!

Yes, that meant I got to bust out my burlesque Ewok again…

Life is rad.

After the private event, I ran my little tush on over to Revolution for a bit of a boogie. [I love double-booking days! Show after show after show, yes please!]

And the week marched on. Friday is usually the last day of the work week for most people, but for me, it’s somewhere in the middle. So I filled it with attempts at being a grown-up: paying bills, doing some writing, getting my life organized. But then it was time to pack up again, grab some pretty ladies, and hit the road to Jacksonville and the Norm!

Annnnd home again at 4 a.m. One day I will be a morning person, but that’s only after this night owl retires. ;)

Rev on that Saturday was really fun because it was my dear friend Kacee’s bachelor party. Jordan and Kacee are getting married (and, in fact, DID get married! And you can read all about it in just a few minutes…) and while her beautiful bride has maneuvered most of the wedding details and shenanigans, Kacee had two requests about which she would not budge: One, that she get to wear Converse in the wedding. And two, that she gets to have her bachelor party at Rev, and Jordan has to have her bachelorette party elsewhere. 

Because Kacee actually fought for her right to party, I knew I had to bring it. The pressure was on me to make sure she had a bachelor party she’d never forget! [I think mission accomplished. ;)]

I made a Marilyn Manson mix and got some hot wax ready, and prepared for an evening that was sure to be on the raunchy side of naughty.

So their night started like this:

And then they made it to Rev, where a bit of this happened:

That’s Kacee in the chair, there, by the way. [And the thing is…Kacee & Jordan both like performers who are a bit darker. I’m a fuckin’ cupcake, so it’s really strange that they love me so much as an entertainer. But I think Kacee put it best: “You are all cupcakey, but then you’ll give a look that a Succubus would be proud of…so it’s a good mix.”] Sometimes I can bust out something more dark, and this was definitely the night to do it. ;)

All this, plus some hot wax, and followed up by a good whipping! [I had permission from the bride to whip Kacee as hard as I wanted to…yikes!] <But we have learned at Rev that femme girls can always take a good whipping, while butch girls tend to be…well, pussys about it. But Kacee ended up beating [heh no pun intended] the butch record of 32 spankings! What a trooper! [yes, she still had the bruises on her wedding day. dang.] I also had the pleasure of giving her grooms(wo)man, Arika, a bit of the same treatment. They LOVED it!

Yes, that would be an icepack between them. ;) Trust me, they loved it! Or at least that’s the story I heard…

Anyway, moving on to the cupcakey things I was up to in October!

Such as being a princess and sipping on tea [sometimes at the very same time!]. :)

And taking long strolls with the Bunny to art galleries where I discover massive photos hanging of me and my Vixens. [neat!]

And doing lots of writing, even with kitties falling asleep on my arm.

And preparing for my bestie Mollie’s bachelerotte weekend!

We have been keeping the B-Party a secret from Mollie FOR MONTHS. Her Maid of Honor sent us a general idea of what she was thinking, and asked for suggestions on filling in the gaps:

Friday night: Slumber Party/Potluck/Crafty Time/Movie Night at the MOH’s parents’ place in Bradenton. Because we’re THAT kind of Bachelorette Party, not the other kind. ;)

Saturday: Brewery tour of Mollie’s favorite brewery. Dinner in Ybor, and then dancey-dance it up somewhere in Ybor that night. Hotel stay that night.

Sunday: Drag Queen Brunch at Hamburger Mary’s.

It all sounded fantastic, especially because the guest list included many of my best friends in the entire world, and also because Mollie is amazing and no matter what we were going to do, it was going to be awesome! I made sure I had Rev covered so I could take the weekend off, and got ready for an extraordinarily good time.

Anyway, pause. rewind. reverse. back it up to Mollie’s bridal shower a few weeks before. At this point, Mollie still didn’t have any idea what we were planning for her B-Party. All she knew was that midget strippers would NOT be included. The MOH and those of us in on the bachelorette conspiracy planning had a few moments to chat during the bridal shower, away from the bride-to-be, and we still weren’t sure about where we’d be staying or where we’d be going to dance on Saturday night. But we weren’t worried; things like that usually work themselves out. [foreshadowing!]

Anyway, I checked my email from my phone when I was at the bridal shower and BAM, there was an email from the Ritz in Ybor, a massive concert venue. They were hosting a Zombie Prom on the EXACT Saturday of our B-Party…

They said they knew I was probably already booked, but they would love to have me go-go dance for their Zombie Prom if I was available. Now, Mollie had JUST been saying how she wanted to be a zombie bride for Halloween…so I started getting really excited. Even if I didn’t work this event, it still sounded like I had discovered our dancey-dance place for the night!

I ended up writing them back, because I was, in fact, not booked on that Saturday (for the first time ever), and needed some more deets before I could commit. For example, would I be able to go-go in sets, so I could hang out with my besties? Would I have a guest list for the bachelorette party girls? What’s the pay? Blah, blah, etc.

Here’s what they came back with:

• I get to take as many breaks as I want.
• The entire party will be on the guest list.
• I’ll get a FREE hotel room + a second hotel room at a suuuuper discounted rate for me AND the bachelorette party at the Hilton in downtown Ybor (!!!). 
• I’ll get a reallyyyy good base pay.

I talked to the MOH and she said, “Omg, that’s PERFECT!”

What seredipity!

So I booked myself, and now not only was I no longer missing out on a weekend pay, I cut costs for the entire bachelorette party for our hotel stay and club cover, and gave the ladies a wicked fun party to attend!

Hooray!

Flash forward to Friday night of the bachelorette party. I road tripped down to Bradenton with my bestie, the Ninja, and it was the loveliest ride. We drank tea and hot chocolate, talked about the paranormal, and FINALLY got to the point where we were no longer catching up and now just hanging out. So wonderful!

We made it to the rest of the ladies, and spent the night eating, wearing face masks, watching movies, ripping up old prom dresses, spraying blood everywhere, and getting ready to attend our prom!

The next day we hit up Tace Bus in Tampa for lunch, and then went on the brewery tour at Cigar City Brewery. I don’t drink and I especially don’t like beer, but I do like history, tours, and learning new things. ::nerd:: So even the girl who has never had a drink had a good time!

We checked in to our hotel, put a few finishing touches on costumes, enjoyed a LOVELY dinner, and then became undead party people!

So. Much. FUN!

After the prom, the ladies went to grab some grub after hitting up a few more dancey-dance parties, and I went back to the hotel to get my makeup off and to get into some jammy-jams. I needed a bit of sleep, because in the morning, I was off again!

The Ninja and I road-tripped it back to Orlando, and after depositing her at a secret location, I high-tailed it to UCF to pick up the Bunny. She just finished playing a soccer football match, and we had to haul ass from UCF to Jacksonville for my dear friends, Kacee (the bachelor from earlier in this post) & Jordan’s wedding. From a bachelerotte party for my bestie right up to a wedding of two besties! What a weekend!

We made it in time (in fact, early! what, what?! That’s unheard of!), and the moment we walked in the venue we ran into Kacee and her grooms(wo)man, Arika. The four of us escaped to the bathroom so we could get away from the crowds of people. Kacee said something along the lines of, “I’m excited with a side of I might puke.” haha!

(But look how hot she looked!)

Then I got to go see the beautiful bride before the ceremony and…

Holy baby Elvis, she looked BEAUTIFUL! 

I told her she looked like how she probably has always hoped she’d look on her wedding day. Perfection.

On the way there, the Bunny asked if I was going to cry. I replied, “Psh, kuh huh fuh..no. Obviously not.” I didn’t even bring tissues, I was so confident in my stone-cold heart.

But you guys…I am one sappy sonuvagun these days. During the ceremony I ruined my makeup and spent the entire time waving at my face. But omg, Jordan looked so beautiful, and Kacee looked like a boss, and the ceremony and reception were legit straight out of a magazine! I couldn’t have imagined anything more beautiful or perfect for the two of them. It was fancy, but not stuck-up or traditional, and it was one of the loveliest events I’ve ever had the privilege of attending. Every detail added up to be the most wonderful wedding to join to amazing people who really do have the kind of love that lasts a lifetime. Just LOOK at this thing: 

OH MY GAWWWWWD THIS ONE ^^^^^ ::dies:: 

After the ceremony, it was time to eat, dance, slow dance, and for me to get two helpings of cake. Like a boss. 

Jordan & Kacee kept sneaking away from their entire reception to come hang out with me and the Bunny. We felt incredibly special, especially when they said something along the lines of, “I wish everyone would leave and we could just hang out with you guys.”

Jeeze, I’m tall. 

Anyway, the wedding was absolutely beautiful and fun and I had an amazing time. Jordan & Kacee gave me and the Bunny their extra hotel room for the night, right across the hall from their room. Bow chicka bow wow. ;) 

Good times. Good times indeed.

Ahem.

Moving on!

So now it’s the Thursday before the Halloween weekend, and the go-go gore continued for DJ Ants’ birthday bash at Revolution. It was the annual BLOOD BATH party, so naturally I made a lot of reeeeally awkward feminine products jokes and danced my little booty off.

It’s Halloween season, my darlings! Finally. So the next night, on Friday, I went back up to Jacksonville, solo this time, to InCahoots for their Halloween Kick-Off Party!

Wall-to-wall homos & lesbos + me + 3 drag queens = one wicked fun night! The Jacksonville girls *turned it out*! I had about 20 new Facebook friend requests by the time I got home. ;) Which was about 4 a.m. again. Sleep deprived!

I was up again Saturday to get ready for Rev’s Ladies’ Night Halloween party! I decided [the day of!] to do Tomb Raider, so the Bunny and I ran around town getting pieces together and I made my costume in under an hour. Bam! And check out that weave! ;)

And in action at Rev…

Angelina, eat your heart out! lol

The night was a blast, and I got to see some of my favorites, like these two, who just got married! Gosh, it’s the season for weddings, isn’t it?

And to close out October, there was, of course, Halloween night. Ana Mosity and I got to play at Revolution: she, a Voodoo Queen, and me, the girl with one eye. Florence + the Machine, anyone? ;)

And here we are:

So much has already happened in just the first week of November, so I’ll be burning the midnight oil the next few days documenting all the wonderful, unicorny things!

Hope your October was lovely, and that November is treating you like a darling!

p.s. In non-unicorn news, my iPhone got stolen. It’s anti-unicorn news, really. Sad trombones! To whoever stole it, I say to you: