Posts tagged gay

2013- the year of rough beginnings but blissful endings. 

You guys, I’m not gonna lie - I was getting a little worried for a second there. I had such high hopes and lofty fantasies about what 2013 would be like, how I’d kick so much ass on my goals, and how I’d be off on unicorn adventures on a daily basis. But the first two months of 2013 were total dream crushers. 

I was legit getting concerned. I was not a happy girl, and that is SO not my jam. My natural state is a rainbow-riding, glitter princess of happiness and magic. I’m a romanticizing romantic. I’m a beam of ridiculous joy, thrilled with even the most mundane things in life. I’m like the Bob Ross of the lesbian world. 

Luckily, 2013 has decided to redeem itself, and I totally approve that message. 

It’s actually been pretty exciting - at the beginning of the year, I wrote down goals for myself, professionally and personally. {What a novel concept! Pretty sure I’m the only person EVER who resolved to do things differently for the new year. haha } And I was at a dead stop on all of them. It was like my entire life had been put on hold, and I was in this unhappy gridlock of stagnation.

But then 2013 was like, “JUST KIDDING! Ha. Ha. Got ya! I’m actually going to be awesome.”

And BAM! The Awesome Bomb detonated. 

First, I’ve been on a booking spree for my burlesque and go-go shows. I’m booked now through July, and I couldn’t be happier about where things are going with that. To be honest, that 19-year-old little lesbian hitting the stage for the first time EVER, dancing like a baby horse, all legs and arms, is still somewhere inside me and is still SHOCKED on a daily basis that I somehow ended up lucky enough to be able to do this for a living. I wake up [at noon haha] every day and just lay there, paralyzed with how amazing my life turned out. I get to hang out with drag queens and kings [true royalty], dance my little white girl whooty off, and perform all across the country. 

I’ve been to all my usual haunts, like my home bar and the gay club version of my soulmate, Revolution Nightclub in Orlando:

Where we CLEARLY have the most fun this side of the Mississippi. ;)

And I’ve hit up InCahoots in Jacksonville:

with some FABULOUS queens, like Mercedes Devereaux! 

And the longest-leading lady of Jax, Nichole Woods!

But I’ve also been performing with the GAWJEOUS gals of Big Bang Boom! Cabaret! [total swoon!]

And doing some nerdlesque with the All-Star Burlesque Revue:

[so much weave! >__<]

[homo-flexible]

Oh, and being SUPER artsy and shaking my tailfeathers [literally] at the Orlando Museum of Art:

Shocking old ladies & giving some old gents the time of their lives! (one lady exclaimed, “Oh, dear!” and left the show, while I was able to pull two old guys out of the audience, put my top hat and feather boa on them, and make them dance with me. Red garters on a dancing girl - now that’s what I call art!)

It’s been a fabulous show season, so far! And I have SO MUCH to look forward to. Like PENSACOLA PRIDE!

GIRLS IN WONDERLAND!

and BOSTON PRIDE!

And what’s even more amazing than getting to work for incredible events and kick ass parties is that I work with some wonderful people.

For example, after our burlyQ show at NV last Thursday, Franki and I went to Pom Pom’s Teahouse with some friends for some noms, love, and catch-up-kisses! [it was absolutely dreamy!]

And cupcakes happened, of course!

[Sad story about this cupcake: moments after this photo was taken, that cupcake fell on the floor. I spent the rest of the night crying.]

Speaking of wonderful people, I’ve been surrounded by a [totally adorable] gang of beautiful friends and family who really love me, and I can’t thank them enough for all the light they bring to my life. 

From sex bomb besties and boob attacks…

to sushi dinners with outstanding couples…

to pool [shark] dates with my forever darlin’…

to slumber parties with platonic life partners…

to hunting for treasures in antique wildernesses with an incomparable inamorata…

to my brother’s birthday lunch with my adorable and wonderful mama, my dashing stepdaddio, and my big bro and his bestie…

to being part of such an awesome group of friends that we are just exhausted by all our amazingness…

I am truly blessed. I work my ass off, love my heart out, and cuddle the shit out of my cats. It’s a damn good life, and I’m not wasting another moment. 

Here’s hoping 2013 is treating YOU right! 

So much love, babydolls…

xxxx

How are your resolutions going? I hope you’re kicking ass & taking names. ;)

2013 so far has been a roller coaster of epic proportions.

The start of a new year holds so much promise…but it’s also the perfect time to reevaluate things in your life. What are you happy with? What do you not like? What can you change? How are you going to go about changing things?

For me, the year started off with some huge moments of indecision and holy shit’s and what to do now’s and whoa’s and for real?!s and all kinds of other fluff.

I took a few days off[ish] to recenter myself and to connect with my totem animal [obviously, a unicorn] and I’m feeling recharged and sparkly once again! [And also, my friends came to the rescue big time, like the super heroes they are!]

Shake-ups in life can end up leading to eating your weight in ice cream and never leaving your bed OR it can lead to amazing restructuring and massive tweaks to life that make it twelve thousand times more beautiful. [the key is to CHOOSE the latter.]

So that’s what I’m doing! And it’s working out splendidly. :) Plus, I got my planner refills…phew!

Ahhh, all is right in the world again!

Now, want a peek into what fills up that agenda?

Well, let’s see…there’s been hot yoga with Mollie:

Taking long walks [glorious weather!], drinking tea & writing at Starbucks, and listening to audio books. ::cough:: NERD ::cough::

Princessing: [and if you’ll notice in the above photo, that damn pinky-up! The princess never leaves me!]

Go-go dancing with crazy lion hair [rawr] {& playing laser tag - pew!pew!}:

{Thanks, Maia, for capturing me & my shenanigans!! [and also, for letting me do laundry at your house. Not having a washer & dryer sucks, especially when you have two separate wardrobes for yourself & your alter ego. ;)}

But I have wonderful friends who save me from laundromats!]

[Isn’t she adorable?! {& single, ladies!}]

So in addition to laundry, I’ve been traveling and doing TONS of shows.

Like in Jacksonville at InCahoots, where I got made fun of by drag queens for my awesome lesbian shirt [cats + boobs!]:

And performed for the masses of ‘mos & ‘bos:

Saturday I had a teaser show at NV for our upcoming February 7th Les Vixens debut:

It was a blast!

After the teaser show, I ran to Revolution for another show!!

And to go-go all night long. Saturday nights are the jam! [and it’s where all the girls go. ;)]

Sunday, all my agenda said was:

UNIVERSAL STUDIOS & ISLANDS OF ADVENTURE
WITH JORDAN, KACEE, & THE BUNNY!!!

Which was exactly what happened and it was magical. :) {Plus I got Dip ‘n Dots! NOM!} [Thanks again, Shay, for the tickets!]

So from shake-ups to showtimes, 2013 has been a [sometimes literal] roller coaster. Good thing I really love roller coasters! ;)

Hope your 2013 has been smooth sailing, sweethearts!

::crosses Write Blog Post off my To-Do list in my planner::

::feels productive::

::goes back to watching a Dexter marathon & eating dark chocolate::

xx

So I am in that. ^

EEEEEE!!! 

It’s pretty exciting! It’s a book documenting, well, 100 of us queers who love the stage.

And what’s even more awesome is that I have a chance to be ON THE COVER! But I need your help [if you’re so inclined]. Simply CLICK THIS LINK and “Like” my picture. Badda bing, badda boom! That’s all you need to do. The entertainer with the most “likes” gets to have their picture as the cover. [Hey, Mom…now that we’re Facebook friends, you have to go “Like” it, too! K thanks. ;) ]

After Mollie & Ryan’s wedding, shows, and my family reunion, the Bunny and I were ready for our holiday getaway!

Just the two of us, the open road, and planned spontaneity! <the only way to do it.

SO EXCITED!!!!

We drove to our first stop: Savannah, Georgia.

We were supposed to land in Savannah with enough time to grab sushi with Mary Contrary, one of my fellow entertainers [and a total doll], but because we never get anywhere on time, we ended up arriving in Savannah long past the point where our rendezvous of sushi noms was possible. The sushi joint was closed, and after I stopped crying, the Bunny & I decided we’d have dinner with Mary the following night.

So we went to our fancy schmancy hotel (ooh, lala!) and ended up grabbing some pizza [something I NEVER do..but dammit, I’m on vacation!] at Vinnie Go Go’s, a well-known, semi-hipster pizza place open late enough for night owls. We brought pizza back to our hotel room and gorged ourselves like a sorority girl eating her feelings after a breakup. Nom!

[of course, I also got a salad…even though I’m dating the Bunny, I’m the one who eats like a rabbit. ;)]

We passed out in our king-size bed, which meant the Bunny finally had enough space to sleep. ;)

The next day we had our big day of exploration! Savannah, as it appears, is romantic and beautiful…as long as you stay in the historic downtown district. The rest of Savannah looks like just normal suburban and ghetto life. So, naturally, the Bunny & I stayed in the glorious, notorious historic district. We started by the river, strolling down the famous River Walk and stopping to get lunch on the water.

[I like to gaze adoringly at the Bunny. Or at the sweet potato fries coming our way. Probably both.]

It was quaint and adorable, just like the rest of downtown Savannah, and the food was delicious. 

Cobblestones! I love it!

Super old forts with super hero bunnies going up super steep stairs!

Hey, trees that actually change color when the seasons change! Imagine that.

We wandered up and down all the streets, hitting square after square [Savannah is built around 24 squares, which are like mini-parks. I love trees, so naturally every time we walked a few blocks and found ourselves at another square, I felt the need to tell the Bunny how much I liked this square! Or that square! Or look how cute is this square! Oh, look at this square! (I think it got old fast…haha)]

We stopped at a tea room [actually, it’s called The Tea Room hah] and the old broad who worked there knew more about tea than I know about glitter. [And she was a sassy old lady, so now I know who I want to be when I grow up.] The whole place was adorable, and smelled amazing, with wall-to-wall tea canisters. Heaven!

[the Bunny, posing awkwardly because I made her.]

And naturally, the tea was bangin’!

We continued our voyage, tea in hand, and fell more and more in love with the gorgeous historic homes, beautiful holiday decorations, and me with the squares. ;)

After dark, we made our way to meet Mary for our long-delayed sushi date! We went to her favorite place, Wassabi, and it was worth the wait. ;) Plus, the company was absolutely lovely! It’s so nice to hang out with entertainers who I actually like outside of work. And Mary definitely fits that bill!

After dinner, it was time for something I’ve wanted to do for a long time: a ghost tour!

Savannah is listed as the most haunted city in America. We booked our tour with Sixth Sense Savannah [which is REALLY hard to say when you have a lisp…which is why the Bunny made me say the name like, 10 times. Jerk. ;)]. But although it’s a problem for those with a speech impediment, the tour itself was AWESOME. Christopher, our guide, was an adorable [& gay!] guy who really knew his shit, and skeptics & believers both really got into it.

It was a two hour walking tour, and we ended up pretty much taking the same route the Bunny and I took earlier around the city. Which meant we walked past houses that earlier in the day we had gazed at in wonder, and now learned the horrific stories about murders, suspicious deaths, and all the paranormal activity that happened in each house.

Including an abandoned mental institution.

The stories were so good and so creepy and mixed the paranormal seamlessly with historical information. Which, as the resident nerd of this blog, I am a sucker for. ;)

Unfortunately, we didn’t end up seeing any apparitions or ghosts. I say unfortunately for me; however, the Bunny was glad. She pretends to be a badass but turns out, she gets scared of a little ol’ abandoned insane asylum where there are consistent sightings of the White Lady in the windows and where people end up getting injured from violent spirits if they enter. Psh. Scardey-cat. ;)

The next morning we went to the Sentient Bean, a coffee shop Mary recommended.

Blurry love!

The Sentient Bean was perfect for breakfast and had damn good chai lattes!

[and chalkboard walls in the bathroom where the Bunny left a little love note. ;) swoon!]

After our breakfast and tea, we got on the road for our next chapter in our holiday adventures: Atlanta!

We arrived at our hotel [more of a motel this time around, but sometimes we like it when it’s cheap. ;) Like Motel 301!]

We got dolled up…

…and went out for a fancy dinner!

The food was SO GOOD, you guys. Like, Food Network Top Chef good.

And then, because the Bunny said it was our anniversary or something like that [it wasn’t] ;) we got a free dessert of our choice, which ended up being a chocolatey cake made in the kitchen of the gods that was pure sex for taste buds. Pure sex, I tell you!

I’m telling you, as soon as I tried the cake I said, “Oh dear baby Jesus this shit is GOOD!”

It was THAT good. Plus the service was fabulous. Tantra- now THAT’S how you do a fancy dinner. ;)

Next up was something I’ve been waiting for for YEARS: going to see Rachael Yamagata live! You don’t even understand…I’ve wanted to see her play for so so so long. She’s been one of my favorite artists for the longest time, and seeing her live was on my bucket list. The Bunny, being the amazing girl that she is, tried to send me to see her play last year in Portland, which would kill two birds with one stone as I’d also get to see my dad, too! Yay!

Unfortunately, the Bunny is foreign and didn’t realize that there is more than one Portland in the U.S., and good ol’ Rach was playing in Portland, Maine. hahah [The Bun still sent me to go see my dad, which I wrote about HERE. ]

Anyway, so this was the culmination of years of me waiting and wanting, and at least a year of the Bunny trying to get me to see her, so this was going to be EPIC.

The show was at the Vinyl in Atlanta, which is a small, intimate, and absolutely perfect venue. 

Ughhhhh she was sooooooooooo gooooooooooooooooooood. THAT VOICE! It’s just so rich and utterly soulful. And Rachael herself is hilarious. She made fun of the fact that none of her music is happy, and that it’s all about heart ache. But her tragic music is in total contrast to her stage persona, which is hysterical and self-deprecating and humble and completely charming.

And I got to meet the lovely lady! [even though the Bunny can’t take a picture to save her life. ;) It’s okay, she’s got other qualities I’m totes into…]

The show was epic, and well-worth the wait, especially because the venue was so perfect and small. Happy Evey!!

The next morning, I had no idea what the day held. It was the Super Surprise Day of the holiday, and the Bunny had kept this portion of the trip a secret (that she was obviously really excited about and very proud of herself for keeping it a secret!). I was told to dress comfy [which, of course, I freaked out about - “Are we talking, yoga comfortable? or like, lounge around the house comfy? or like, The Gap comfy? WHAT DO YOU MEAN DRESS COMFORTABLE?!”] - but I finally sorted out the right outfit, and we hit the road.

I don’t think I’ve ever loved road trips as much as I do with the Bunny. Good music, Starbucks (she knows we don’t go anywhere without me getting my tea!), and her hand in mine…it’s the perfect way to road trip! I didn’t even care that I had no idea where we were going - it’s part of being in the moment. The gorgeous scenery alone was enough to keep me entertained.

After several hours of driving, we appeared to be in the middle-of-nowhere in northern Georgia, and if the area hadn’t been so epically beautiful, I probably would have been thinking horror film thoughts. Instead, we were winding our way through little mountain towns and finally turned off and up a mountain.

We pulled up in front of the most adorable little cabin in the history of ever!!!

The Bunny had spent the past few months arranging this getaway with the owner for our little holiday. The cabin was perfect: a hot tub on the back deck, a fireplace, and every detail was cozy and adorable.

After I stopped running around the cabin, squealing like a little girl at how ::high-pitched:: CUTE!! it was, the Bunny and I drove into the quaint (naturally) little town, and ended up at the Sweet Shoppe Bakery, the Food Network Cupcake Wars Season 6 Winners!

We ended up buying TWELVE cupcakes. Because life is awesome.

Oh, no big deal. Just eating cupcakes by the fire in our cabin on a mountain side. [Like I said, life is awesome!]

Oh, decadence!

After our cupcake indulgence, we ventured outside [in the FREEZING cold] to get in the hot tub! It was glorious. :)

And as IF a cabin on a mountain side, with a fireplace, and a hot tub, and a gorgeous crystal clear northern Georgia winter night wasn’t enough, THERE WAS A GOD DAMNED METEOR SHOWER! Shooting stars all over the place! Somehow, I feel like the Bunny planned that. ;) At the very least, she had one more surprise: she brought sky lanterns. You know, the kind that you light and then let go and they float effortlessly into the sky and then, I dunno, they become stars or something [or just burn out and then hopefully biodegrade in an environmentally friendly manner].

So amidst hundreds of shooting stars, we wrote wishes on our lanterns, lit them, and let them go.

The Bunny didn’t wait long enough [you have to let the lantern fill up first], so hers landed on the roof of the cabin. Which I then pictured the entire roof bursting into flames, and our lives being ruined. But then it picked up again and floated…directly into a tree! Which I then pictured the tree bursting into flames and Smokey the Bear coming after us.

But then, thank baby bears, it floated on up to the sky, and no joke, a freaking shooting star flew straight behind it. MAGICAL!

The whole night was magical, really. Cozy cabin + cold winter night + fireplace + shooting stars = sexy time! [What else? ;) ]

The next morning we got up [late] and went on a hike to see some waterfalls. And it was incredibly gorgeous!

The Bunny fell in the water. hahahahah I actually felt really bad, but, as always, she’s a great sport about things. ;) And let me take pictures of her dumping water out of her boots.

Captain Bunny!

Limbo!

It was the perfect way to end the trip and our holiday getaway! Now we had to hit the road down south to Jacksonville because I had a show with my Vixens at the Norm. [no rest for the wicked!] 8 hours on the road and straight onto the stage!

After the show, the Bunny & I stayed the night with our dear friends, Jordan & Kacee. Jordan even got up at the ass-crack of dawn to cook us breakfast [d’awww!] because I had to be back in Orlando by 11 a.m. on Saturday for a music video shoot! [Like I said, no rest for the wicked!]

It was an awesome time! But it was an awesomely loooong time. We were there all day, and then I had to get my [slightly, you know, just a little teeny bit] exhausted bum to Revolution!

As always, it was crazy town. :) I love Rev!

The next day [sleep? huh? what’s that?] was my sister Vixen’s benefit show to help her get to Chicago, where she booked an epic burlesque tour, which was one of her biggest dreams in life! So, of course, I drove to St. Pete to be part of the incredible cast of entertainers who raised more than $500 for her! RAD!

Love her!

And I was asked by the organizer of the event, along with Franki’s husband, to say a few words about the lady of honor. Which was an honor itself. :)

And for my number, I made a song mix that started with the theme song from Jem & the Holograms [Franki has an entire tattoo sleeve on her arm of Jem & the Holograms!], and then included several inside joke songs between me and Franki, and ended with one of her classic numbers that I included as a tribute. It was really fun [and the gay boys went crazy!]

Plus, I got to hang out with Teddy D, my darling boy!

It was a fabulousocity-filled benefit, and Franki is off in Chicago, kicking ass & taking names! [but she’ll be home before I know it, thank baby Jesus!]

And my goodness, we made it to the last week the Mayans ever thought would happen! I spent our possible last week on earth princessing [+ drinking tea]…

…hanging out with the newly-married Mollie!

Taking long walks [& long talks] with the Bunny….

Cuddling kitties…

And go-go dancing!

We survived the silly Mayan misinterpretation, and made it to Christmas!

And guess what? The Bunny and I made it to my mom’s ON TIME on Christmas Day. It was a Christmas miracle!

We spent the day with my mom, my stepdad, my brother, and of course, Hey Kitty. :)

(^ that’s her special Christmas blanket. It only comes out during the holidays, and it’s where you can find the Kitty pretty much 90% of her life during Christmastime.)

The tree was BEAUTIFUL! [my mom and stepdad always make the entire house really FEEL like Christmas, even if it’s 80 degrees outside.]

And there were so many presents under the tree that I was suspicious that some were just empty boxes wrapped to make the place look extra fancy. [but nope! A gift in every box!]

Holy shit, right?!

And let’s not even forget the AMAZING Paleo feast my mom made!

It was really, really incredible. I feel beyond blessed and grateful for such an amazing family and I feel like my life is charmed in so many ways. As gay as it sounds, I feel like my life is magical. I mean, just LOOK at that food! :D

We ate, gave and received gifts, talked a lot, ate some more, and watched Ice Age! :) It was perfect.

The next day, the Bunny and I went to Blue Springs State Park to hike and spend some time with manatees.

Pine cone!

The following day, we felt really springy. So we went to Rebounderz!

It’s an indoor trampoline arena and it. was. AWESOME! I highly recommend it. Oh, go on! Be a kid again. ;) Go-go dancing at Rev that night, I felt a bit wobbly. Jumping is a killer workout!

Friday I was back on the road to Jacksonville for my show (just me and some drag queens!) at InCahoots!

I always have such a good time at InCahoots…it was wall-to-wall packed, just the way I like it, and I got to see a lot of familiar faces…and ride around on a unicorn. ;)

Saturday it was the last Les Vixen show of 2012, so I figured I’d wear some snazzy new pants. ;)

Oh, 2012! You were EPIC!

But it’s not over yet! We still have New Year’s Eve…

I rang in the New Year at a fancy red carpet event, with tickets ranging from $100-200 just to get in to the fancy schmanciness. No big deal. ;)

I was hired as a go-go dancer [for my “energy and eye candy appeal”! lol It’s always nice when I get paid AND complimented!], along with the incredible Lyn Sky, a lovely aerialist and several stilt walkers. We all got body painted…

[which I promptly sweated off…]

This is me, Astryd [of Tommy Astryd productions], and Lyn Sky!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

While balloons were falling and the ball was dropping, the Bunny drove all the way out to the event just to kiss me at midnight. SWOON!

And that, ladies & gentlemen, was the end of 2012 for me. PERFECTION!

Next up: 2013!

I hope you all had a safe & wonderful holiday, and thanks for sticking with me into the new year!

xoxoxoxoxox

a.k.a. Reason #234,088 why I’m the best girlfriend in the world. ;)

So last month was mine and the Bunny’s birthdays. I wanted to do something really special for her, because she’s wonderful and deserves it. So I got to brainstormin’ a few months before the birthday (I like to plan ahead), and decided on something utterly ridiculous and completely perfect. I was going to take my Bun to see LLAMAS!

This isn’t as crazy or random as you would imagine. You see, the Bunny loves llamas. They’re her favorite animal. Llamas to the Bun are like unicorns to me. 

I didn’t know she had a thing for llamas until she came to my house for the first time and saw, prominently displayed among my unicorns, my own llama:

She couldn’t believe her eyes! So right from the start, she was like, “Hmm…this girl. There’s something here.” ;)

We even took my little Llama on a day of adventures!

Anyway, fast forward many moons, and here I am, deciding that I shall take my boo to see real, live llamas! The only time she’s ever seen a llama in real life was when I took her to the circus, but it was in a big arena and there was only one llama, and it was a million miles away. She still freaked out as if the llama had asked her to tea. I remembered this moment, and how excited she was, and it spurred me on in my quest. 

So I started my research. If you read my blog you know I work at Medieval Times. I started there, asking the horse trainers if they knew where I could find a llama. [I love how I can ask ridiculous questions, and no one blinks an eye.] Unfortunately, their leads and direction led to nothing. So I moved on to the Interwebz, where I found A LOT of information about llamas, llama organizations, llama and alpaca meet-ups, etc., but no llamas in the area. I ended up going through a llama directory (this is just so silly) until I found the Oakrest Llama Ranch in Sarasota, FL. I was thrilled! I mean, THIS was on their website:

SCORE! I knew this was the place! So I sent them an email, that went something like this:

Hello, there!

My girlfriend loves llamas. Her birthday is coming up, so I wanted to take her to see llamas in real life. What kind of llama adventures do you offer, if any? And also how much does it cost to visit your llamas?

Kind regards,

Eveleena

Even though this is not the most ridiculous email I’ve sent in my time, it’s definitely up there.

I was crestfallen when I didn’t hear anything back. So I called them, and left a paraphrased version of my email in a voicemail. Nothin’. I checked their website, and saw that their events page hadn’t been updated since April. I didn’t know if the Oakrest Llama Ranch even existed anymore! But I would not be put off the chase. When you’re given a mission by Gandalf, you take that ring all the way! (Eek, my nerd is showing.)

So I persisted and finally Kathy, the lovely woman who runs the ranch, picked up my call. She is an absolutely doll! We spoke on the phone for nearly 30 minutes. She had been in France, and when she returned several of her llamas were sick, so although she had my email and phone number on her to-do list, she had a few things that required more immediate attention. She apologized profusely, and told me how excited she was that I was doing something so wonderfully llama-related for the Bun’s bday.

Now, I’m expecting that we’ll just go to the ranch and look at llamas over a fence as they graze in the distance. But nay! Kathy told me that she had 24 llamas, and two baby llamas, and she’ll saddle them up and we can take the llamas on a mile-long walk and pet them and hug them and LOVE THEM and and and! Oh, Kathy the Dreamweaver! 

We planned on the Sunday before the Bunny’s birthday for the visit. Kathy told me that llamas don’t sweat (and now YOU know!), so we couldn’t come visit them in the afternoon. So that left the morning and the evening. I was praying to the Starbucks gods that she wouldn’t say morning…[working at Rev the night before, then having to drive two hours to Sarasota to reach llamas…it would have been a narcoleptic nightmare!]…but thank Venti Jesus, she said, “How would 6 in the evening be for you?” Oh, Kathy, I love ya! 

I was bursting with excitement. This was going to be the best day ever!

Now, I just had to keep it a secret. 

You guys, it was really, really hard. After I spoke with Kathy and confirmed the llama adventure day, I immediately called the Bunny to tell her to not make plans for the Sunday before her birthday, and I pretty much hung up on her because I almost told her. Instead, I called my friend Jordan and started yelling, “LLAMAS!!!” just to get it out of my system. 

The Bunny was ruthless in her endeavor to find out what I had planned. She kept asking if it was something to do with Spiderman, because she loves Spiderman. And then she kept asking if it had to do with llamas (!!), but that’s like me asking if you’re bringing my to see real, live unicorns: wishful thinking, but no actual conviction. 

So the big day finally arrived! We drove down to Sarasota, the Bunny completely bewildered and still having absolutely no idea what was going on. It was raining, which meant I was freaking out the entire drive because I don’t know llamas’ weather preference and what if they wouldn’t come out and what if the whole plan was ruined?!

Kathy called me about 30 minutes before our ETA of 6, and reassured me that the weather wouldn’t ruin the day, unless we minded getting a bit wet. [I tried to not make that a lesbian innuendo in my head, but I can’t help it!] I told her we didn’t mind one bit. 

Only hearing my side of the conversation, the Bunny was even more confused. MUAHAHAHAHAH!

We pulled up in front of Kathy’s home, and the Bunny was like, “Babe…um…do you know this person, or are we just at some random’s person house in the middle of nowhe…OH MY GOD LLAMAS!!!!!”

For you see, a llama or two came peaking around the corner of the house. 

And so began the adventure! Kathy came out and took us around to the llama barn where we met our new llama friends.

The Bunny proceed to freak the fuck out. 

‘eyyyyyy. ;)

So beautiful. haha

OMG Baby Bambi Llama!

OMG! Snowy white baby llama!

As Kathy introduced us to each llama in turn, we learned a little about each one, their personalities, and about llama-lore in general. The llamas are so gentle that she uses them as service animals, and takes them into nursing homes, schools, and churches.

In fact, the day before her llamas were working with special needs children. Even more in fact, we met this llama, who won the Hero Animal of the Year 2011 award for his work in nursing homes! 

[He looks mighty majestic, doesn’t he?]

It was still raining, but now it was time for our promised walk with the llamas. We were each going to have our own llama to walk (hooray!). My llama was the lovely American Glory:

And then Kathy introduced the Bunny to her llama:

Guess what his name is! JUST GUESS!

Spiderman.

No fuckin’ way. I couldn’t believe it. Remember how I said the Bun loved Spiderman and llamas? And now here she is, about to take a llama named Spiderman on a walk. BEST DAY OF HER LIFE! 

Oh, no big deal. Just walking a llama and letting him eat some grass. 

We took our llamas on a good 30-40 minute walk, and pretty much had the best time ever!

When we got back, we spent a few more minutes with llamas. 

The Bunny getting photo-bombed by a llama. :)

And me, with Paintball Pete, who has a gimpy leg and who Kathy dresses up as a unicorn. No lie. He was obviously my favorite. 

So there was something for everyone!

I have never seen the Bunny as happy as she was walking Spiderman the Llama. :)

WIN!

I gave Kathy a large donation for Oakrest Llama Ranch, and I was told it would buy a lot of treats for the llamas. 

Speaking of treats, the day wasn’t over yet!

My friend Jessie used to live in Sarasota and recommended the Columbia Restaurant, which is Florida’s oldest restaurant, with locations in Ybor City (the original), Sarasota, and a few other spots throughout Florida. It’s a bit pricey, but I wanted the day to be perfect, right down to the dinner. 

So we went, and when we arrived, it looked totally slammed. The hostess at the front handed me a menu and told me that they only had a limited menu for the evening, and for me to look at the prices.

At first I thought she was trying to say that we looked poor and probably couldn’t afford the restaurant (Pretty Woman syndrome), but then she explained that it was their 107th Anniversary Celebration, where all prices were the same as when they opened in 1905. It was the ONE DAY out of the year that they have this celebration, and they were 15 minutes away from stopping taking customers. So we were sat pretty immediately, enjoyed a delicious and MASSIVE meal, with appetizer and entree, and stuffed ourselves silly.

Our bill came to $6.37. WHAT. THE. HELL. 

I’m pretty sure the Universe has a crush on me. 

And there you have it, folks! Llama adventures, a delicious dinner, and the tale of why I’m the best girlfriend in the world. :)

xx

Oh, p.s. Remember how I said the Bunny had only seen ONE llama ever, and it was at the circus? Well, turns out that very llama came from the Oakrest Llama Ranch! Crazy, huh? Small (llama) world. 

I hope you all had a wicked good weekend! It was PRIDE here in Orlando, and it was absolutely out of control!

Of course there were festivities going on all week, but the big to-do was, of course, Saturday at Lake Eola. Hundreds, even thousands, of gay people crowding the streets of downtown and the Thorton Park area. It’s known as the Gayborhood, even without Pride going on, and ironically, it’s also where I live [or maybe it’s known as the Gayborhood BECAUSE it’s where I live].

But anyway - vendors, food sellers, and rainbow EVERYTHING crowded around the lake along with the horde of homos. It was glorious! I love seeing everyone out and about, being PROUD of their love. I love it! I love it! I love it! [Now, ladies & gents & everyone in between, KEEP THAT SHIT UP ALL YEAR LONG, K?!]

I was decked out in my ridiculous sequin-spangled barely-outfit, but what’s Pride without some crazy people, eh? ;)

At 4 o’clock my favorite part of the day-of-Pride festivities started: the parade!

I was on Revolution’s float, as always. But this year instead of just waving and blowing kisses, I was dancing my ass off (and trying not to BUST MY ASS with our erratic float driver). And, you know, waving and blowing kisses. :)

SO MUCH FUN I LOVE MY LIFE OMGAHHHHH!!

After the parade, I went home to shower, and then off to get some noms with the Bunny and some friends. We finished dinner just in time to catch the fireworks at the lake!

How amazing is it that we get to have FIREWORKS at our Pride?! It’s like the 4th of July but WAY MORE colorful. ;)

The entire day was just brilliant and amazing, full of love and passion and pride. But then it was time for the night to take over and for the party to really get started. And HOLY BABY JESUS IN A JAM JAR! Revolution Nightclub…you were TREMENDOUS! 

We had 1300 packed into Revolution. Packed like Jesus in a jam jar. The line was around the building at 10 o’clock!

Now, allow me to put this into perspective. At Medieval Times, our arena’s capacity is 1200 people. So we fit 100 MORE PEOPLE into Revolution than fit into a dinner show’s ARENA. CRAZY!

I had an amazing, sweaty time, gettin’ down and dirty on the dance floor with 1300 lesbos!!

I couldn’t have asked for a better weekend! I hope everyone had as much fun as I did, if not more, and spent the weekend with people you love. <3

Don’t stop living the dream, lovers!

xx

What a crazy few weeks! I’m another year older and can’t help but feel incredibly, unbelievably lucky. I know this life takes a lot [A LOT] of work, but I’m constantly reminded that my life is pretty badass and that the work is worth it. Untraditional doesn’t even begin to cover it, but this is the life I want. It’s the life I’ve worked my little booty off for, and the reality of it all is just too epic to have ever imagined.

I flew up to Knoxville the Wednesday before my birthday for the 2 year anniversary party for One 4 All Magazine. :)

[Sadly, the Bunny couldn’t go with me. Being the soccer football star that she is, she had to travel with her team. Thursday, they flew to Memphis, ironically. Same state, but still six hours away. So I didn’t get to see her. Sad trombones! But it gets even more sad…I flew home on Friday (to an empty house [aside from kitties]), and on Saturday [on my birthday] she traveled from Tennessee to Alabama to prepare for another match. Then Sunday (the Bunny’s birthday! [yep, her birthday is the day after mine]), they played the match and then traveled home late that night. This was the SECOND year in a row where we’ve missed each others’ birthdays. :( She got to the airport in Orlando an hour before her birthday ended. I brought her flowers and a birthday cake pop from Starbucks (naturally), and when she opened the trunk of my car to put her luggage in, there were (Spiderman) balloons! Wee! Party!]

Anyway, rewind! Back to Wednesday. We’re in Knoxville. It’s the One 4 All Magazine anniversary party. I was the only bio girl asked to perform, so of course I felt honored (and kept my fingers crossed some Tennessee lesbians would be out in force that night)!

The other entertainers were a group of truly incredible Queens, who deserve the capital Q.

There was the ever-insane Vanity Love:

The flawless Barbie doll and southern belle, Miss Deception:

The blonde bombshell and local nearly-naked nutcase Xena:

And the legend herself, Monica Munro!

(She needed something red for her hair, so I whipped off my pasties and she actually wore my pasties as hair pieces! hahaha awesome) [I wrote about this legend HERE, so if you want to know about the time I thought she was going to claw my eyes out…clicky click!]

The whole night was for these two guys, Matt & Drew (< the man behind the magazine):

Love them so much!!

Anyway, so the night started out like this:

And ended up like this:

And in between we had one helluva show! The audience was great (I <3 Tennessee girls!), and I really enjoyed my night. I was the only sober one in attendance by the end of the evening, as always, so also the only viable witness to the madness. You see, I love people watching. And what better way to people watch than to be the only sober gal surrounded by drunk trannies, gay boys and gay girls? It’s a riot. ;)

The next morning, everyone crawled out of their caves at Matt & Drew’s, looking like death warmed over. That is, everyone except Deception, who came downstairs looking like the Toddlers & Tiaras love child of Tinkerbell and a Stepford wife.

I told her I needed to learn how to be a girl from her. hah

The house cleared out as Monica and Deception hit the road for home, and then I did what I did the first time I stayed with Matt & Drew: NOTHING! Absolutely nothing! I sat on my ass ALL DAY LONG and watched Roseann and Family Guy marathons and ate food and hung out with the boys. All. Day. Long. It was spectacular and a much-needed hibernation.

The next day I flew home, unpacked, repacked, and went off to the Cold Keg in Melbourne for the Aftermidnite’s Twisted Circus Show!

I was a strongman:

[Thanks, Maia, for these shots!]

And then, at midnight, I turned another year older, dressed as a burlesque circus elephant.

Birthday spankings from Spikey! Eek!

This is my life. So weird. So awesome.

Saturday was my actual birthday, and seeing that the Bunny was still out of town (sad face), I spent the day drinking tea and hanging with my kitties, catching up on everything I put off the past week. Then my dear friends Jordan and Kacee took me out to a sushi dinner (nom!).

And then it was off to my big birthday bash at Revolution!

When I got to Revolution, I was shocked. My friends are amazing! They showed up at Revolution hours early to decorate THE ENTIRE club, the dressing room, and to set up a major surprise.

So right off the bat, I was grinning like an idiot!

And then it was showtime!

Ana Mosity did an EPIC Madonna mash-up, looking like the queen herself.

And then I had SO MUCH FUN performing my mix. SexyClassicDubstep, BAM!

Yay!

After my number, Ana Mosity, a.k.a. Franki Markstone, a.k.a. My amazing sister vixen, had the club do a blackout, and when the lights came on, more than half the audience had become UNICORNS! Including me!

It was a sea of sparkly unicorns! A unicorn army!

Oh, wait, it’s not over yet!

I got the most epic birthday lapdance of the CENTURY! My Vixens were there, plus Teddy D & Gabe, Franki’s husband. DAMN.

I am one lucky woman!

Thank you so much to everyone who came out to have a boogie for my birthday! A huge, massive, unicorn-army-sized THANK YOU to my sister Vixen and platonic life partner Franki Markstone for all her work to make my birthday so special!! Also, thank you Thee Amanda Biebs for working your ass off to help decorate Rev and for going above & beyond! And Melody Maia Monet for capturing the crazytown night of my birthday on camera. Thanks to Tia Kadena & Evie Fuentes for making me blush ;) and for being such gorgeous, amazing women on Team Vixen!

I had the best birthday bash in the history of EVER! Dancing the night away…it’s the best way to kick off a new year.

xx!

Talk nerdy to me, baby!

Thanks, Bunny, for helping! ;)

Hot for teacher!

A huge shout out to Macbeth Photography for these awesome shots! Funny how we were just playing around, yet got some damn good dirty nerdy photos. ;) 

September is a FANTASTIC month, because it kicks off the snowball of awesomeness that is The Holidays!

September My Birthday; October Halloween; November Thanksgiving; December Christmas and New Year’s Eve; January Ben Franklin & Martin Luther King Jr’s Bodacious Bdays; February Valentine’s Day….It’s the most glorious half of the year! Weeeee!

But September is also always a dizzyingly busy month for me, and this one is looking like it’s going to follow suit with its predecessors.

I mean, it’s my birthday AND the Bunny’s birthday, my bestie’s bridal shower, my daddio and my stepmama are coming to visit [TODAY! and holy sh*t, they’re going to meet the Bunny! ::cue dramatic music::], Dexter returns (!), I have a ton of gigs and shows plus writing work and princessing to do, and and and and….! It’s going to be a good month. :)

It’s only been a few days into the month and I’ve already gone rock climbing with SS:

Done a little shimmy-shakin’ burlesque:

[thanks, Maia, for the photos! <3]

Hung out with some dapper gentlemen:

Spent an entire day off with my love:

Swoon. <3

Went to the Medieval Times End of Summer BBQ:

Obviously, I sat at the Cool Kids’ table. ;)

Worked on costumes:

And it hasn’t even been a week yet! Wee!

\

Busy, busy!

But anyway, I think September should start fall weather, don’t you? It’s my favorite kind of weather. Even though I live in Florida and it doesn’t start to feel like fall weather until, oh, November, I still get really romantic about “the idea” of fall weather. I want to start wearing scarves and drinking/eating everything infused with pumpkin & spice, cuddling up in front of the fire and sipping hot chocolate with my love, taking long walks in the crisp weather with clear night skies and wear lots of layers.

Instead, I’m still sweating my ass off when I walk to Starbucks wearing cut-off shorts and a tank top, where I drink an iced green tea that is dripping sweat itself, and the reality of wearing a scarf means I’ll have to stay indoors with the AC on full blast if I’m going to escape heat stroke.

But that’s okay! Because September at least starts cooler weather…at night. Or some nights. Not tonight. It’s still muggy as hell-o. [I kinda lost my point here.] But cool weather is on the horizon! It’s a’ coming, people!

Now I’m off to watch The Shining and cat-sit SS’s kitties. :)

Hope your September is treating you like a darling, darlings!

x x

It’s simple, really.

So it happened.

Last week our little baby boys had to get their manhood removed. Their little kitty balls were getting so big that Banksy was starting to walk a bit cockeyed [ey, ey ]. The boys were hitting puberty, and with their Bar Mitzvahs right around the corner, kitty circumcision was necessary.

We had one incident where a stray cat came up to our front door, and both our kittens went nuts [ey, ey ], growling and poofing up and hissing at the door (and each other). This went on for quite some time, and as much as I LOVE WHEN CATS GET POOFY, I was scared they would start spraying the house [ew]. ALPHA CAT DOMINANCE!

As a parent, you just know when your children have come to a turning point in their lives. One minute, they’re these teeny little fluff balls, and the next moment, their teeny little fluff balls are being cut off. 

We set out the kitty carrier the night before, and both cats promptly crawled inside and fell asleep. Little did they know they were sleeping in the vehicle of their manly doom. I spent the night immersed in stacks of cat books and doing research online so I was well-versed in every detail of neutering, from a psychological to physiological level. If you’re going to be a crazy cat lady, you have to know your ‘ish, nahhmean?

[Poor Fenton! They weren’t allowed to eat after 10 p.m., and he’s our little fatty man. He was very confused why food was not forthcoming, even when he did his Puss in Boots eyes at us.]

The next morning we woke up bright and early. The little furry men hopped into their carrier, so trusting. So naive. So full of hope and dreams and potential to spawn thousands of litters of kittehs. [but not for long!]

I was more concerned than they seemed to be. Note Banksy, rolling around on his back in the carrier, purring his head off. [weirdo]

We had to leave them at the clinic, and I spent the next 8 hours biting my already short nails [because I’m a good lesbian and I keep my claws vagina-friendly…eyyyyy ] and pacing the house.

It was an intense day.

We finally got to go pick them up, and the nurse comes outside to deliver our little troopers. She said, “I just have to tell you, they are the sweetest, friendliest, cutest cats EVER! They completely made my day. I fell in love!”

‘Atta, boys! Swooning the ladies, like yer mamas taught you.

The poor little guys. They were super drugged, and pretty much narcoleptic-ed out immediately upon arrival.

Little kitty tongue!!!!!! Omgahhhhhh!

After a few hours they started waking up, but they looked like this:

And I’m pretty sure all they saw was this:

Soon enough, the whole ordeal was over. The cats are back to normal, being the wonderful, cuddly, playful, adorable, nap-happy, purr buckets of love that they are.

Gosh, parenting is hard, but so rewarding. [right, Mom?!]

x x

I just made it home from one crazy week(end). Story time will have to wait, because the Bunny hasn’t seen me for days and there’s a celebration going on today! [in case you haven’t heard…]

If you DO want a story, check THIS out for an oldie [but a goodie]. <3

But I pinky promise, updates are on their way. ;)

xx

But this time it was my burlesque closet.

If you’ve been following my blog, you know that my mom is one of my gems, my best friend, and a huge influence on who I am. (Read THIS POST about how badass and amazing she is!) You also know that we’re super close and that she means the world to me. 

What you might NOT know…is that I’ve never told her about my career as a burlesque entertainer and go-go dancer.

::cue dramatic music and collective gasp!::

Shocking, I know. And pretty ridiculous, seeing that I’ve been doing this for YEARS. I’ve kept it a secret from her, and it’s been the ONE thing that I’ve never told her about.

I came out to her about being gay, and it was easy as pie (-ish). [Read HERE for my coming out story and how my mom took the news.] She has ALWAYS supported me in everything I do, and it has KILLED me to not have her be a part of something so huge in my life.

You don’t know how many times I’ve finished a gorgeous sparkly costume, and all I wanted to do was show my mom. Or I made a really good mix for my number, and knew she’d love it. Or when I was featured on a magazine (or two…), or when I got booked somewhere awesome, or when something really cool happened, or when someone wrote me and told me I changed their life…

It’s been awful to not include her.

And the silly thing is that my mom is RAD! She LOVES alternative cultures. She has always encouraged my weird quirky creative side. She used to go to Southern Nights and Parliament House back in the day [Wednesdays were quarter drinks!], and thinks drag shows are fabulous. So why, you ask, did I keep it a secret from her?

Well, when I was 18 or so, I mentioned that I wanted to audition to be a go-go dancer at Southern Nights. She told me that she didn’t want me to do it because she didn’t want it to come around and bite me in the ass later on in life. Fair enough. But I knew that I would never work in a traditional office setting for a traditional company doing anything the traditional way, so I didn’t think being a burlesqueteer was going to be a problem with my actual career. But my mom thought it might.

Months later, I decided I was going to go for it, anyway. I didn’t think I would even get the gig, and if I did, I didn’t think I would do it regularly. I didn’t think anyone would know my name or that I’d run my own show or or or…you get the picture. I had NO IDEA it would be the way it is. So I thought, “Hey, if I get a random go-go gig once a month, there’s no point in telling mom…I don’t want her to think that I went against her wishes, I don’t want to hurt her, and I don’t want her to take it personally.”

But then Ivy blew the eff up! I was performing multiple times a week, I was developing a fan base, and I was starting to really get my name out there. And by then, I thought it was too late to tell her. How could I explain this crazy world of community, stages, cages, performing, glitter, feather boas, top hats, pasties, gay empowerment, lifestyle, and everything else that is part of the reality of this wonderful job?? How could I make sure she understood I’m not a stripper, I’m not in porn, I’m not compromising myself or degrading myself. How could I not hurt her because it’s been a few months…a year…a few years…six years(!!) and I. Didn’t. Tell. Her.

IT WAS KILLING ME.

I’ve debated telling her so many times over the years that it would make the Count from Sesame Street want to throw down.

I knew it was going to come down to one of three things:

1.) I never tell her and then when I’m 40 I’ll say, “Hey, mom! Guess what I did in my 20s?”

2.) I break down and randomly tell her.

3.) She finds out, via the Interwebz, someone tells her (she has several gay friends), or I slip up.

So..yeah…funny story. Guess what happened on Sunday??

The Bunny and I went to hang out with my mom and my stepdad, and I don’t have a washer/dryer at my place, so we brought laundry with us.

Just towels and sheets and the like. No big D.

My mom and I are in the laundry room when ONE BEDAZZLED GLOVE falls to the floor.

And my mom says, as she picks it up off the floor, “Oh…by the way…I saw a picture of you online….”

And that’s when Ivy came out of the closet. It all just started spilling out, and I don’t think I could have stopped it if I tried. I’d wanted to tell her for so long, and my brain just short-circuited.

The picture she had seen was at the end of one of my numbers at Cold Keg, so not only was I in zebra-print pasties, but there was a pole in the photo. YIKES!

My word-vomit just wouldn’t stop, so everything I SHOULD have told her years ago, I told her then. And she completely understood. She knows what burlesque is. She knows what go-go dancing is. She knows the difference between working in a strip club and being a burlesque entertainer.

Once I told her (and my stepdad…YIKES!) everything [at least, the best I could in the moment, sweating and bright red], my stepdad asked why I wasn’t making more money from performing (lol I ask myself that SAME thing every day) and my mom told me she was proud of me. Proud of me for doing something I love. Proud of me for never crossing the line into stripping or porn or the escort business. Proud of me for never touching a bit of alcohol or drugs, even though lines of coke are available as easily as Bud Light. Proud of me for being a positive influence on people. Proud of me for working so hard. HOLY SMOKES!

Yes, she was hurt that I didn’t tell her. But she said that there is nothing I could do to make her stop loving me. The amazing thing is that, for my mom, her bottom line was this: “If you’re doing it because you HAVE TO, and you’re compromising yourself, then we’ve got problems. If you’re doing it because it’s fun and you love it, then I envy you!”

^which was what she thought when she saw the picture. She just needed to know that I’m happy, and that I’m okay, and that I’m not being forced into a lifestyle that isn’t making me feel good about myself. But once I explained how it’s pretty much glitter, unicorns, rainbows, and a sh*t ton of fun…she got it.

And then I told her I’m pregnant. JUST KIDDING, MOM! I’ve got two cats and that’s enough.

Oh, and also…hey, Mom, I have a blog! [which is actually how she found that picture…but that part of the story would turn this into a biblical-sized post.]

So yeah. My mom knows about the Vixen side of my life. She wants to come check out a show. She knows I have a blog. And I guess she’s got a lot of reading to do.

Feel free to post on here and say hi to my mom!

[you guys, I feel a thousand times better about life! What a relief to have this off my shoulders!!!! You can’t even imagine!]

:D