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Eveleena

I post a lot of pictures of my cats. You’ve been warned.

And Jesus had his birthday!

And I’ve been on adventures!

And I really need to get back to writing in my blog!! Sorry for the radio silence…

But basically I’ve been wondering: Is this real life??

It hit me hard again that I have a really, really strange and wonderful life. Sometimes I am so IN IT & working so hard that I forget to stop and reflect on how ridiculously COOL life is [and I run out of time to blog! eek!]. My 40 hours a week of work is never 9-5 [thank baby unicorns!], I never see a cubicle, and at any moment I can get tea with my friends, cuddle my cats, or write in my blog [heh]. I can go wander around, help out friends, and just generally live a life worth writing about.

Let’s chat about December! Okay, too much happened for one blog post so I’m going to start with the first half of the last month of 2012, because what happened next deserves its own moment to shine here. ;)

So reverse, rewind, and meet me on the last day of November. I drove to St. Pete with my Vixen Veronica for a gig with Gulf Coast Giving and CirqueVille Entertainment. Gulf Coast Giving is an amazing charitable organization and their recipient this year was Habitat for Humanity. They threw an art auction/Winter Wonderland party at Nova 535 [an utterly GORGEOUS venue/art space], and we got hired to be living statues[slash] go-go dancers! Along with stilt walkers, acrobats, and a phenomenal juggler, this event was all kinds of awesome!

^ The statues!

In [non] action. heh

Luckily for me, standing still as a statue was WAY easier when I got to watch these guys say “Fuck you, Gravity!” and do their epic, physics-defying moves!

And watch this gorgeous Russian lady kick some serious ass juggling…she makes it look epic AND easy, all at the same time. [ignore the dude in the background…]

Oh, and this was my boss. ;) Stilt walker Snow Queen!

The whole event was a blasty-blast. It’s always fun to get booked for something out of the norm, especially an easy, awesome event that introduces me to rad people and talented artists. You know, no big deal. ;)

And that welcomed me into December! The Bunny and I decorated our little Christmas tree, hung our stockings and wreath, and I did everything in my power to make the Bunny’s first Christmas in the States seem a little more Christmas-y. I mean, it’s hard to do when you live in Florida, but I tried!

Then I packed up and headed off to Rev for the best night of the week!

Sunday the Bunny & I were celebrating my mom and stepdad’s birthdays. Super late. Their b-days were at the beginning of November, but when we tried to plan for a party day closer to their actual birthdays, my mom was like, “Shmehhh…” haha So December it was!

My mom and steppapa are on the Paleo diet [as you may know from reading this blog], and so I said we would cook them a Paleo feast!

By which I meant, the Bunny would slave away in the kitchen all day, because…

I’m terrible in the kitchen.

But she made this ridiculously delicious Asian spaghetti squash yumminess of Please-Make-For-My-Birthday good dish, and a dark chocolate & orange chocolate torte {birthday} cake.

My mom, stepdad and big brother came over to our house, and it was a jolly good time! We ate, my mom opened her present [that she pretended to be surprised about, but she totes knew what I got her already…thanks for the effort, though, mom!], and then we surprised them with their birthday cake of divinity. [it was THAT good.]

Oh, and then Banksy climbed into my mom’s purse. And started removing items to make room for himself. Like a boss.

hahahaha my cat is awkward.

That night I worked more on the dessert toppers for Mollie & Ryan’s wedding!! At this point, it was less than a week away and my excitement for the wedding of the century was off the charts! So much so, that I handmade 75 dessert toppers, each and every one different and crafted with love! I even used my sewing machine on some of them. It took (way) more time than just this one night to get them all done, but it was so worth it! DIY for the win!

At Medieval, they changed the times when we open the gates and guests are allowed to cross over the moat, so not only am I super on time now for princessing [which is UNHEARD OF in the entire realm], but I feel like I’m super early. It’s kind of creeping me out. I just end up playing around with makeup for the extra 45 minutes and then look like an 11th century drag queen.

Hey, that’s my bra!

Anywayyyy…

In addition to scaring children, I got hired to do some figure modeling [like I do for Mystery Sketch Theater & Dr. Sketchy’s] for some artists at Universal Studios! So…it was back to standing still as a statue. Oh, December. The month of no moving [and never stopping moving]. haha

I didn’t get any pictures from it because we did the session in their art studio on location at Universal, and there were proprietary drawings and sketches all over the walls. Pretty neat stuff! And the artists really liked the costumes I brought, which is a huge compliment coming from artists who work on a theme park studio set filled with costumed characters. :)

Then Friday morning I got up at the ass-crack of dawn [like, 10 o’clock you guys. It was rough.] to drive out to the venue for the wedding rehearsal! Mollie & Ryan asked me to do a reading in their ceremony, which made me feel like a million bucks. And also made me super nervous because I have a little lisp…public speaking! Woo!

But the rehearsal was lovely! Dave the King from Medieval is also an officiant and can totes marry peeps, so my wedding gift to the couple was Dave. haha [[Funny story: When Mollie & Ryan first started planning their wedding, I recommended Dave marry them.

Mollie, knowing that Dave works at Medieval Times with me, thought I was trying to convince her to do a Medieval-themed wedding.

Months later, they were still having trouble finding the right officiant, and I brought up Dave again. Only THEN did Mollie ask me if he does things non-11th century.

Oh, Mollie.

Luckily, we sorted things out and Dave ended up being the most perfect person for the job! And I loved being able to hang out with him during the rehearsal and rehearsal lunch. :) The rehearsal went off without a hitch, and I got a sneak peek at the venue…You guys, I was more excited for this wedding to happen than this guy:

Oh, and in the midst of working at Medieval, being a figure model, making DIY stuff, writing and catching up on deadlines, preparing for Mollie’s wedding, doing shows AND packing/preparing for a mini-vacation with the Bunny that was to happen at the beginning of the next week, my family decided to have a family reunion. THE SAME WEEKEND. Oh, lordy!

So I raced from the rehearsal [an hour away from home] to where my dad and stepmom were staying [45 minutes past home] to get to see them for a few minutes before I had to hop back on the road to drive to Jacksonville for a show. WHEW!

[But totally worth it!]

Then it was off to Jacksonville with Spikey van Dykey & Mary Contrary from Savannah to put on a show at the Metro!

The Metro was the very first place I EVER performed all those years ago when I first started burlesque. I used to do shows there semi-regularly after I started performing, but I haven’t been back in a few years. It was definitely a blast from the past, especially because NOTHING has changed [not even the guy who directs traffic in the parking lot].

It was good to be back. :)

And then the next day was omg omg omg omg omg THE BIG DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This small Asian child knows NOTHING of the excitement that was felt for this day and this wedding. NOTHING!

It was, in fact, the most magic-filled, wonder-filled, PERFECT MOMENT-FILLED day of LOVE AND SPARKLES AND UNICORNS EARNING THEIR WINGS in the history of EVER!!

The wedding was straight out of a fairytale movie scene, with the added benefit of being between two people utterly meant for each other, and with half the guests (and the bride!) being my best friends. ;) HOORAY!

It was literary-themed, which was spot on: Mollie is a librarian (and just got her Masters Degree in Library Sciences! Get it, girl!) and Ryan is a textbook editor. MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN.

I’m warning you now: the pictures that follow (which aren’t the profesh ones, anyway) don’t do this wedding justice in any way, shape, or form. But at least it will give you a glimpse into how wonderful the day truly was!

The venue was Birdsong Barn, and it couldn’t have been more perfect. Same with the weather, the decorations, the music, and the bride & groom, of course!

Look at Dave, looking so handsome!

Ayla. the three-year-old daughter of the best man, was the ring bearer. :)

And Ariana, Mollie’s two-year-old niece, was the flower girl. [I was the back-up flower girl. hah] She ended up just running down the aisle, and then dumping her basket of petals at the alter. Not bad, Ariana. Not bad at all. ;)

Aaaaaaaaand THIS was the moment I started bawling like a frickin’ baby.

SHE LOOKED LIKE A GODDESS OF EVERYTHING WONDERFUL!

I kept telling myself, “Pull yourself together, woman! You have to do your reading!” Luckily, during my reading I didn’t cry(ish). And then I got back to my seat, and they started doing their vows, and I started sobbing again because EVERY WORD WAS INCREDIBLE.

YAY THEY’RE HITCHED!

Now it was time for the reception!

[The Bunny & I made the M and R bookends for Mollie’s bridal shower, and they used them in the wedding decorations!!! SWOON!]

The food was THE JAM.

It was THE BEST WEDDING in the history of weddings. I got to dance and hang out with my best friends, be part of the insanely beautiful ceremony, the food was AMAZING, and absolutely every moment was magical. Oh, and I CAUGHT THE BOUQUET! [yes, I may have knocked out my friend in the process…]

CONGRATULATIONS to the couple of the century!

After the best party of my life, I hit the road back to Orlando, just in time to make it to Revolution for our Old School party!

Good times. :) ‘eyyyy

And on Sunday, my reunion with my family continued! It was on my stepmama’s side: Her four kids, plus me & my brother, and 4 out of her 7 grandkids. And my dad, of course! It was the FIRST time she’s had this many members of her immediate family together, and it was a wonderful time! [and check out my dad’s bolo tie! Classic. ;)]

After some much-needed and absolutely wonderful family time, I headed home to start packing for my vacation!

Fenton wanted to come, but the Bunny and I were going places kitties can’t go…like Georgia. ;)

But this post is long enough! This was my first half of December; stay tuned for Pt. 2!

I hope your December has been lovely!

xx

What more could a girl ask for, really?

I know this happens to pretty much every single person when the weather turns, but dear baby Jesus! I want to cuddle, drink tea, take long walks, go camping, sit & sew, wear comfy sweaters and scarves, and OMG I can go outside without the sun trying to burn my skin off and humidity trying to make me sweat my life away.

Glorious!

But in other news, so much awesome was packed into the last few weeks of October. Take a journey with me, lovers, back in time to a not-so-distant past…

First, we kicked off the good times with a private event near the beginning of the month. A private, Star Wars themed event. Yes, it was as awesome as it sounded and I couldn’t believe how lucky I am that part of my job description includes Nerdy Burlesque shows. I don’t normally do private events, but I made the exception because A.) it involved good friends whom I trust completely, and B.) Star Wars!

Yes, that meant I got to bust out my burlesque Ewok again…

Life is rad.

After the private event, I ran my little tush on over to Revolution for a bit of a boogie. [I love double-booking days! Show after show after show, yes please!]

And the week marched on. Friday is usually the last day of the work week for most people, but for me, it’s somewhere in the middle. So I filled it with attempts at being a grown-up: paying bills, doing some writing, getting my life organized. But then it was time to pack up again, grab some pretty ladies, and hit the road to Jacksonville and the Norm!

Annnnd home again at 4 a.m. One day I will be a morning person, but that’s only after this night owl retires. ;)

Rev on that Saturday was really fun because it was my dear friend Kacee’s bachelor party. Jordan and Kacee are getting married (and, in fact, DID get married! And you can read all about it in just a few minutes…) and while her beautiful bride has maneuvered most of the wedding details and shenanigans, Kacee had two requests about which she would not budge: One, that she get to wear Converse in the wedding. And two, that she gets to have her bachelor party at Rev, and Jordan has to have her bachelorette party elsewhere. 

Because Kacee actually fought for her right to party, I knew I had to bring it. The pressure was on me to make sure she had a bachelor party she’d never forget! [I think mission accomplished. ;)]

I made a Marilyn Manson mix and got some hot wax ready, and prepared for an evening that was sure to be on the raunchy side of naughty.

So their night started like this:

And then they made it to Rev, where a bit of this happened:

That’s Kacee in the chair, there, by the way. [And the thing is…Kacee & Jordan both like performers who are a bit darker. I’m a fuckin’ cupcake, so it’s really strange that they love me so much as an entertainer. But I think Kacee put it best: “You are all cupcakey, but then you’ll give a look that a Succubus would be proud of…so it’s a good mix.”] Sometimes I can bust out something more dark, and this was definitely the night to do it. ;)

All this, plus some hot wax, and followed up by a good whipping! [I had permission from the bride to whip Kacee as hard as I wanted to…yikes!] <But we have learned at Rev that femme girls can always take a good whipping, while butch girls tend to be…well, pussys about it. But Kacee ended up beating [heh no pun intended] the butch record of 32 spankings! What a trooper! [yes, she still had the bruises on her wedding day. dang.] I also had the pleasure of giving her grooms(wo)man, Arika, a bit of the same treatment. They LOVED it!

Yes, that would be an icepack between them. ;) Trust me, they loved it! Or at least that’s the story I heard…

Anyway, moving on to the cupcakey things I was up to in October!

Such as being a princess and sipping on tea [sometimes at the very same time!]. :)

And taking long strolls with the Bunny to art galleries where I discover massive photos hanging of me and my Vixens. [neat!]

And doing lots of writing, even with kitties falling asleep on my arm.

And preparing for my bestie Mollie’s bachelerotte weekend!

We have been keeping the B-Party a secret from Mollie FOR MONTHS. Her Maid of Honor sent us a general idea of what she was thinking, and asked for suggestions on filling in the gaps:

Friday night: Slumber Party/Potluck/Crafty Time/Movie Night at the MOH’s parents’ place in Bradenton. Because we’re THAT kind of Bachelorette Party, not the other kind. ;)

Saturday: Brewery tour of Mollie’s favorite brewery. Dinner in Ybor, and then dancey-dance it up somewhere in Ybor that night. Hotel stay that night.

Sunday: Drag Queen Brunch at Hamburger Mary’s.

It all sounded fantastic, especially because the guest list included many of my best friends in the entire world, and also because Mollie is amazing and no matter what we were going to do, it was going to be awesome! I made sure I had Rev covered so I could take the weekend off, and got ready for an extraordinarily good time.

Anyway, pause. rewind. reverse. back it up to Mollie’s bridal shower a few weeks before. At this point, Mollie still didn’t have any idea what we were planning for her B-Party. All she knew was that midget strippers would NOT be included. The MOH and those of us in on the bachelorette conspiracy planning had a few moments to chat during the bridal shower, away from the bride-to-be, and we still weren’t sure about where we’d be staying or where we’d be going to dance on Saturday night. But we weren’t worried; things like that usually work themselves out. [foreshadowing!]

Anyway, I checked my email from my phone when I was at the bridal shower and BAM, there was an email from the Ritz in Ybor, a massive concert venue. They were hosting a Zombie Prom on the EXACT Saturday of our B-Party…

They said they knew I was probably already booked, but they would love to have me go-go dance for their Zombie Prom if I was available. Now, Mollie had JUST been saying how she wanted to be a zombie bride for Halloween…so I started getting really excited. Even if I didn’t work this event, it still sounded like I had discovered our dancey-dance place for the night!

I ended up writing them back, because I was, in fact, not booked on that Saturday (for the first time ever), and needed some more deets before I could commit. For example, would I be able to go-go in sets, so I could hang out with my besties? Would I have a guest list for the bachelorette party girls? What’s the pay? Blah, blah, etc.

Here’s what they came back with:

• I get to take as many breaks as I want.
• The entire party will be on the guest list.
• I’ll get a FREE hotel room + a second hotel room at a suuuuper discounted rate for me AND the bachelorette party at the Hilton in downtown Ybor (!!!). 
• I’ll get a reallyyyy good base pay.

I talked to the MOH and she said, “Omg, that’s PERFECT!”

What seredipity!

So I booked myself, and now not only was I no longer missing out on a weekend pay, I cut costs for the entire bachelorette party for our hotel stay and club cover, and gave the ladies a wicked fun party to attend!

Hooray!

Flash forward to Friday night of the bachelorette party. I road tripped down to Bradenton with my bestie, the Ninja, and it was the loveliest ride. We drank tea and hot chocolate, talked about the paranormal, and FINALLY got to the point where we were no longer catching up and now just hanging out. So wonderful!

We made it to the rest of the ladies, and spent the night eating, wearing face masks, watching movies, ripping up old prom dresses, spraying blood everywhere, and getting ready to attend our prom!

The next day we hit up Tace Bus in Tampa for lunch, and then went on the brewery tour at Cigar City Brewery. I don’t drink and I especially don’t like beer, but I do like history, tours, and learning new things. ::nerd:: So even the girl who has never had a drink had a good time!

We checked in to our hotel, put a few finishing touches on costumes, enjoyed a LOVELY dinner, and then became undead party people!

So. Much. FUN!

After the prom, the ladies went to grab some grub after hitting up a few more dancey-dance parties, and I went back to the hotel to get my makeup off and to get into some jammy-jams. I needed a bit of sleep, because in the morning, I was off again!

The Ninja and I road-tripped it back to Orlando, and after depositing her at a secret location, I high-tailed it to UCF to pick up the Bunny. She just finished playing a soccer football match, and we had to haul ass from UCF to Jacksonville for my dear friends, Kacee (the bachelor from earlier in this post) & Jordan’s wedding. From a bachelerotte party for my bestie right up to a wedding of two besties! What a weekend!

We made it in time (in fact, early! what, what?! That’s unheard of!), and the moment we walked in the venue we ran into Kacee and her grooms(wo)man, Arika. The four of us escaped to the bathroom so we could get away from the crowds of people. Kacee said something along the lines of, “I’m excited with a side of I might puke.” haha!

(But look how hot she looked!)

Then I got to go see the beautiful bride before the ceremony and…

Holy baby Elvis, she looked BEAUTIFUL! 

I told her she looked like how she probably has always hoped she’d look on her wedding day. Perfection.

On the way there, the Bunny asked if I was going to cry. I replied, “Psh, kuh huh fuh..no. Obviously not.” I didn’t even bring tissues, I was so confident in my stone-cold heart.

But you guys…I am one sappy sonuvagun these days. During the ceremony I ruined my makeup and spent the entire time waving at my face. But omg, Jordan looked so beautiful, and Kacee looked like a boss, and the ceremony and reception were legit straight out of a magazine! I couldn’t have imagined anything more beautiful or perfect for the two of them. It was fancy, but not stuck-up or traditional, and it was one of the loveliest events I’ve ever had the privilege of attending. Every detail added up to be the most wonderful wedding to join to amazing people who really do have the kind of love that lasts a lifetime. Just LOOK at this thing: 

OH MY GAWWWWWD THIS ONE ^^^^^ ::dies:: 

After the ceremony, it was time to eat, dance, slow dance, and for me to get two helpings of cake. Like a boss. 

Jordan & Kacee kept sneaking away from their entire reception to come hang out with me and the Bunny. We felt incredibly special, especially when they said something along the lines of, “I wish everyone would leave and we could just hang out with you guys.”

Jeeze, I’m tall. 

Anyway, the wedding was absolutely beautiful and fun and I had an amazing time. Jordan & Kacee gave me and the Bunny their extra hotel room for the night, right across the hall from their room. Bow chicka bow wow. ;) 

Good times. Good times indeed.

Ahem.

Moving on!

So now it’s the Thursday before the Halloween weekend, and the go-go gore continued for DJ Ants’ birthday bash at Revolution. It was the annual BLOOD BATH party, so naturally I made a lot of reeeeally awkward feminine products jokes and danced my little booty off.

It’s Halloween season, my darlings! Finally. So the next night, on Friday, I went back up to Jacksonville, solo this time, to InCahoots for their Halloween Kick-Off Party!

Wall-to-wall homos & lesbos + me + 3 drag queens = one wicked fun night! The Jacksonville girls *turned it out*! I had about 20 new Facebook friend requests by the time I got home. ;) Which was about 4 a.m. again. Sleep deprived!

I was up again Saturday to get ready for Rev’s Ladies’ Night Halloween party! I decided [the day of!] to do Tomb Raider, so the Bunny and I ran around town getting pieces together and I made my costume in under an hour. Bam! And check out that weave! ;)

And in action at Rev…

Angelina, eat your heart out! lol

The night was a blast, and I got to see some of my favorites, like these two, who just got married! Gosh, it’s the season for weddings, isn’t it?

And to close out October, there was, of course, Halloween night. Ana Mosity and I got to play at Revolution: she, a Voodoo Queen, and me, the girl with one eye. Florence + the Machine, anyone? ;)

And here we are:

So much has already happened in just the first week of November, so I’ll be burning the midnight oil the next few days documenting all the wonderful, unicorny things!

Hope your October was lovely, and that November is treating you like a darling!

p.s. In non-unicorn news, my iPhone got stolen. It’s anti-unicorn news, really. Sad trombones! To whoever stole it, I say to you:

September is a FANTASTIC month, because it kicks off the snowball of awesomeness that is The Holidays!

September My Birthday; October Halloween; November Thanksgiving; December Christmas and New Year’s Eve; January Ben Franklin & Martin Luther King Jr’s Bodacious Bdays; February Valentine’s Day….It’s the most glorious half of the year! Weeeee!

But September is also always a dizzyingly busy month for me, and this one is looking like it’s going to follow suit with its predecessors.

I mean, it’s my birthday AND the Bunny’s birthday, my bestie’s bridal shower, my daddio and my stepmama are coming to visit [TODAY! and holy sh*t, they’re going to meet the Bunny! ::cue dramatic music::], Dexter returns (!), I have a ton of gigs and shows plus writing work and princessing to do, and and and and….! It’s going to be a good month. :)

It’s only been a few days into the month and I’ve already gone rock climbing with SS:

Done a little shimmy-shakin’ burlesque:

[thanks, Maia, for the photos! <3]

Hung out with some dapper gentlemen:

Spent an entire day off with my love:

Swoon. <3

Went to the Medieval Times End of Summer BBQ:

Obviously, I sat at the Cool Kids’ table. ;)

Worked on costumes:

And it hasn’t even been a week yet! Wee!

\

Busy, busy!

But anyway, I think September should start fall weather, don’t you? It’s my favorite kind of weather. Even though I live in Florida and it doesn’t start to feel like fall weather until, oh, November, I still get really romantic about “the idea” of fall weather. I want to start wearing scarves and drinking/eating everything infused with pumpkin & spice, cuddling up in front of the fire and sipping hot chocolate with my love, taking long walks in the crisp weather with clear night skies and wear lots of layers.

Instead, I’m still sweating my ass off when I walk to Starbucks wearing cut-off shorts and a tank top, where I drink an iced green tea that is dripping sweat itself, and the reality of wearing a scarf means I’ll have to stay indoors with the AC on full blast if I’m going to escape heat stroke.

But that’s okay! Because September at least starts cooler weather…at night. Or some nights. Not tonight. It’s still muggy as hell-o. [I kinda lost my point here.] But cool weather is on the horizon! It’s a’ coming, people!

Now I’m off to watch The Shining and cat-sit SS’s kitties. :)

Hope your September is treating you like a darling, darlings!

x x

It’s the start of a new week…what are you going to do with it??

[Do whatever you want, I say!]

I hung out with my mom yesterday so I’m feeling a bit rejuvenated [plus I got to do some laundry…hooray!]. She’s such a BAMF. I love hanging out with her. We talked about religion, love, Qigong, cats (naturally), relationships and all the general catching up stuff. [It still feels EPICALLY AWESOME to not censor myself with the Ivy stuff and my burlesque/go-go life. You guys, it’s so good. WHY DIDN’T I TELL HER EARLIER?! Still kicking myself.]

But ANYWAYYYYY, I couldn’t think of a better way to spend my Sunday. It’s like getting to hang out with your best friend who is also your mom and can tell you things like, “You were such a good baby! You never cried or screamed, unless you had a good reason.” (Which, I pointed out, is still how I am today. ;) 

[side-note: I’m sitting in Starbucks right now and this guy is next to me in a suit who’s all like, “Eyyyy I’m the cool business guy, and I think I’m the Fonz, and eyyy gonna point at you with a snap and hit on the barista girl because I’m the cool guy!”

Just answered his cell phone and said, “Heyyyyy Jimmayyy, my man! What’s going on, brothah?!……..Jimmy? Hey, Jimbo…hello? You there? ::checks phone:: hello?…uh, okay, cool, call me back bro!”

Everyone felt awkward.

End side-note.]

In other news, the Bunny has been running her little fluffy bunny booty off training and preparing for the new soccer football season, so not only does she have some wicked new tan lines, she’s also been a total zombie (a totally sexy zombie). Training in the AM, followed by more training in the afternoon, followed by a training sesh in the evening has left her exhausted.

My time with her the past month has basically been me creepily watching her while she sleeps in between training sessions, because that’s the only time I get to hang out with her. [And then the cats sleep, too, in solidarity (or because they’re cats and they sleep 21 hours a day) so I’m left all alone! Sad trombones.]

But the season is starting and that means training only once a day! Hooray! Her team has already played two matches “that count” (whatever that means) and they kicked ass both times. Go Knights! My bestie Victor and I took a mini road trip down to Tampa to watch her do her thing against USF (I made him call into work. SUCH a bad influence!), and we had just the best time ever. And luckily there were some serious soccer moms sitting behind us, so we had a decent narration of what the hell was going on, play-by-play. 

The Bunny has a home game this Friday, and guess who’s coming to watch?? MY MOM! Along with my step dad, Nolan [a.k.a. Ned Flanders]. They’re coming over to hang out with the cats, and then going to hang out with me so I don’t look like such a stalker creep sitting by myself, watching my lady play. Everyone is happy! (Why do I have a feeling now there’s going to be a million people there, just to hang out with my mom….?)

Anyhoodle, in between hanging out with my mom and wondering if my girlfriend is going to keep wanting to go to sleep at 8 p.m. every night [my usual bedtime is 3 in the morning…], life has been Medium on the scale of EXCITEMENT. On the one paw, I’ve been doing a lot of normal-people things, like cleaning, working, and grocery shopping (which is actually super fun because now every time I open my fridge, I feel like a king. TIME TO FEAST!). On the other paw, I’ve been starting businesses and dancing with weird, ghosties of myself. 

Can’t complain! Life is good! 

I hope you all grab this week by the balls and make it your bitch! ;) Orrrr grab this week by its unicorn horn, and ride it to freedom! Orrrr grab this week by the hand and have a lovely stroll around a lake with some tea, and maybe a bit of a fondle under a tree later…!

Whatever you decide, have a good one, get laid, and be productive!

x x

Kitten cuddles. :)

So it happened.

Last week our little baby boys had to get their manhood removed. Their little kitty balls were getting so big that Banksy was starting to walk a bit cockeyed [ey, ey ]. The boys were hitting puberty, and with their Bar Mitzvahs right around the corner, kitty circumcision was necessary.

We had one incident where a stray cat came up to our front door, and both our kittens went nuts [ey, ey ], growling and poofing up and hissing at the door (and each other). This went on for quite some time, and as much as I LOVE WHEN CATS GET POOFY, I was scared they would start spraying the house [ew]. ALPHA CAT DOMINANCE!

As a parent, you just know when your children have come to a turning point in their lives. One minute, they’re these teeny little fluff balls, and the next moment, their teeny little fluff balls are being cut off. 

We set out the kitty carrier the night before, and both cats promptly crawled inside and fell asleep. Little did they know they were sleeping in the vehicle of their manly doom. I spent the night immersed in stacks of cat books and doing research online so I was well-versed in every detail of neutering, from a psychological to physiological level. If you’re going to be a crazy cat lady, you have to know your ‘ish, nahhmean?

[Poor Fenton! They weren’t allowed to eat after 10 p.m., and he’s our little fatty man. He was very confused why food was not forthcoming, even when he did his Puss in Boots eyes at us.]

The next morning we woke up bright and early. The little furry men hopped into their carrier, so trusting. So naive. So full of hope and dreams and potential to spawn thousands of litters of kittehs. [but not for long!]

I was more concerned than they seemed to be. Note Banksy, rolling around on his back in the carrier, purring his head off. [weirdo]

We had to leave them at the clinic, and I spent the next 8 hours biting my already short nails [because I’m a good lesbian and I keep my claws vagina-friendly…eyyyyy ] and pacing the house.

It was an intense day.

We finally got to go pick them up, and the nurse comes outside to deliver our little troopers. She said, “I just have to tell you, they are the sweetest, friendliest, cutest cats EVER! They completely made my day. I fell in love!”

‘Atta, boys! Swooning the ladies, like yer mamas taught you.

The poor little guys. They were super drugged, and pretty much narcoleptic-ed out immediately upon arrival.

Little kitty tongue!!!!!! Omgahhhhhh!

After a few hours they started waking up, but they looked like this:

And I’m pretty sure all they saw was this:

Soon enough, the whole ordeal was over. The cats are back to normal, being the wonderful, cuddly, playful, adorable, nap-happy, purr buckets of love that they are.

Gosh, parenting is hard, but so rewarding. [right, Mom?!]

x x