So it happened.
Last week our little baby boys had to get their manhood
removed. Their little kitty balls were getting so big that Banksy was starting to walk a bit cockeyed [ey, ey ]. The boys were hitting puberty, and with their Bar Mitzvahs right around the corner, kitty circumcision was necessary.
We had one incident where a stray cat came up to our front door, and both our kittens went nuts [ey, ey ], growling and poofing up and hissing at the door (and each other). This went on for quite some time, and as much as I LOVE WHEN CATS GET POOFY, I was scared they would start spraying the house [ew]. ALPHA CAT DOMINANCE!
As a parent, you just know when your children have come to a turning point in their lives. One minute, they’re these teeny little fluff balls, and the next moment, their teeny little fluff balls are being cut off.
We set out the kitty carrier the night before, and both cats promptly crawled inside and fell asleep. Little did they know they were sleeping in the vehicle of their manly doom. I spent the night immersed in stacks of cat books and doing research online so I was well-versed in every detail of neutering, from a psychological to physiological level. If you’re going to be a crazy cat lady, you have to know your ‘ish, nahhmean?
[Poor Fenton! They weren’t allowed to eat after 10 p.m., and he’s our little fatty man. He was very confused why food was not forthcoming, even when he did his Puss in Boots eyes at us.]
The next morning we woke up bright and early. The little furry men hopped into their carrier, so trusting. So naive. So full of hope and dreams and potential to spawn thousands of litters of kittehs. [but not for long!]
I was more concerned than they seemed to be. Note Banksy, rolling around on his back in the carrier, purring his head off. [weirdo]
We had to leave them at the clinic, and I spent the next 8 hours biting my already short nails [because I’m a good lesbian and I keep my claws vagina-friendly…eyyyyy ] and pacing the house.
It was an intense day.
We finally got to go pick them up, and the nurse comes outside to deliver our little troopers. She said, “I just have to tell you, they are the sweetest, friendliest, cutest cats EVER! They completely made my day. I fell in love!”
‘Atta, boys! Swooning the ladies, like yer mamas taught you.
The poor little guys. They were super drugged, and pretty much narcoleptic-ed out immediately upon arrival.
Little kitty tongue!!!!!! Omgahhhhhh!
After a few hours they started waking up, but they looked like this:
And I’m pretty sure all they saw was this:
Soon enough, the whole ordeal was over. The cats are back to normal, being the wonderful, cuddly, playful, adorable, nap-happy, purr buckets of love that they are.
Gosh, parenting is hard, but so rewarding. [right, Mom?!]